Blackhawk #231 (1967)

This book has the distinction of sitting in my collection the longest, WITHOUT being read. I picked this up around 1985 or so, when we were cleaning out my grandparents' attic. My parents were the youngest of their litter, and I was the youngest of THEIR litter..so long story short, I was the last grandkid to stumble onto the customary "Old Vault of Comics in the Attic". Roughly 3 or 4 other grandkids had gotten to the stash years ahead of me-- meaning that all the DC and Marvel Silver Age and Golden Age goodies were long gone. I was left with the remainders.. a load of Tarzan, Four Colors, Classics Illustrated, Disney Comics and a few issues of House of Mystery, Star-Spangled War Stories and Tomahawk. Basically, if a superhero wasn't on the cover, it had been left behind. That's not to say these comics were worthless-- I picked up a good chunk of Carl Barks' "Uncle Scrooge" comics that are quite collectible. The Four Colors ranged from "Cisco Kid" to "Buggs Bunny" and are always worth a look. One of the "House of Mystery" comics featured an early Martian Manhunter appearance, and for some reason a Brave and the Bold with Starman and Black Canary was still there (probably cuz' the older grandkids had no idea who Black Canary and Starman were.. they went for Superman and Batman). I also found two issues of Blackhawk....

Blackhawk was originally published by Quality Comics in the 40's and became a failry huge franchise. National Comics, the entity that late became DC, took over publication of the title in 1956. Originally based in World War II, the stories revolved around a small group of pilots with diverse backgrounds. The main character, Blackhawk, led his team of Hendy, Olaf, Stan, Chop-Chop, Chuck, Andre and, sometimes, Lady Blackhawk against the Nazis, commies, archfoe Killer Shark and other evildoers. Blackhawk himself was something of an enigma. He had no secret identity and was almost an early version of the Punisher. The series maintained a sizable fanbase over the years, even landing a live-action movie serial in the late 40's. Eventually, it shifted away from traditional war-time dogfights and developed a bit of a sci-fi edge to it. The Blackhawks would fight giant mechanical creations or mad scientists while constantly upgrading their own hardware. A quick Google search on "Blackhawk Comics" should net you more information that I could ever hope to cover. (Or, check out THIS great Blackhawk site) They were like the 60's version of the 80's GI Joe team. In fact, when I first started walking into comic stores for GI Joe comics around 1983, it was typical to see GI Joe displayed alongside Blackhawk comics.

Blackhawk's history has taken a few dips and rises over the years. This particular issue deals with the nadir in that history. It's arguably among the low-points in COMIC history as well. In 1967, for various reasons, DC decided to scrap Blackhawk's military background and converted the core team members into superheroes. After decades of flying warbirds, the team was taken out of the skies and given odd "superpowers" and awful costumes. Andre, the obligatory French wussy, became "M'sieu Machine". Stan the tough guy of the team became "Golden Centurion". Hendy, the mehcanical genius, became "Weapons Master". Olaf became "the Leaper". Chop-Chop, the posterboy for Asian stereotypes was now "Dr. Hands" (presumably no relation to Mr. Bill's buddy, Mr. Hands). Finally, Chuck was known as...wait for it..."The Listener"! And you thought some of the characters in "The Specials" were worthless!

No need for a revision

Blackhawk himself was spared some of the indignity. He was allowed to keep his aviator fatigues, although he was given the code-name of "Big Eye". Blackhawk's "superpower" was the ability to sit in the team's new space station and watch monitors! However, the team's equal-opportunity entrant, Zinda or "Lady Blackhawk", was left unchanged. Probably due to the fact that she she was a hot blonde in a black mini-skirt and go-go boots.

The series also attempted to pick up a "Man from U.N.C.L.E" or James Bond vibe. As this story opens, the Blackhawks are practicing their new powers in the Hawk-kite, their orbitting satellite. They suddenly receive an utmost secret and important mission from G.E.O.R.G.E, the government agency from whom the Blackhawks do "odd jobs". The message is so secret and important, that the transmission spills out more details over the loudspeaker before any acknowledgment from a Blackhawk. The World Crime Empire is converging in Southern Europe and plans to launch "Opaeration Big Eye"-- a complex plan to kidnap scientists and launch a big ol' rocket at the Hawk-kite and Blackhawk!

Jump to the secret chambers of the World Crime Empire, or maybe it's the World Crime Combine..or even the World Outlaw Organization..within the span of five panels, it's referred to with all THREE of those names! Half of the guys wear green executioners' hoods (think of a buncha' green Cobra Commanders), while the other half are dressed up as Roman gladiators. In some scenes, the executioner hoods have eye holes... in others they have eyeholes AND mouth-holes. The evil RED ROBE has assembled all the Combiners, err, Empire guys, err.... all of the members! RED ROBE wants to take command of the Empire/Combine/Organziation. You can imagine what his costume entails. He's wearing a RED ROBE...so it's a good thing his name wasn't "Red Undies". Before his takeoever can succeed, RED ROBE is mysteriously obliterated by the disembodied voice of "the new Overlord". The members of the OrganiComPire are scared shitless and decide to go along. After all, offing Blackhawk sounds like a good time.

With information from the Listener, the Blackhawks jump into action. M'seiu Machine changes into a locomotive, and drives off of a waterwheel onto train tracks. Don't ask. Talk about your un-intimidating heroes, not only is M'seiu Machine FRENCH..he also looks likes he's driving a Kiddie-land locomotive. The Leaper converges with M'seiu Machine in an attempt to rescue a kidnapped scientist from a train. The scientist was plugged into an "electronic brain scanner" and is a complete vegetable. Coindentally or not, he was also holed up in a mushroom car.

Blackhawks are GO! Note the color of Dr. Hands' face. That's not due to paper fading

Dr. Hands visits a British missile base to ask about a missing rocket. Hands is attacked by some British workers and gets taken out by an electro-magnet. Golden Centurion arrives and sprays everyone with..gold. Well, that's a handy superpower. Centurion then proceeds to get shot and ends up falling into the ocean. It's not spelled out, but the British workers are assumed to be working for the OrganiComPire. They use a helicopter to fly away with a missile, while Golden Centurion walks around on the ocean floor.

While Weapons-Master works on a drone rocket, G.E.O.R.G.E and Blackhawk have located a launch site off the coast of Norway. The four Blackhawk field operatives all fly to the iceberg and engage the flunkies of the OrganiComPire. Weapons-Master uses a BALLOON to float his rocket up to the Hawk-Kite....yes, a BALLOON can transport you to outer space. The OrganiComPire's rocket is able to launch and... that's the end of the issue. Hawk-kaaaaaa!

There are no creator credits in this issue, and you have to wonder who is to blame for this mess. You almost wonder if someone at DC pushed this idea through on a dare. They thought up some of the lamest superhero code-names and gimmicks this side of the Legion of Substitute Heroes. At least the Substitue Heroes were SUPPOSED to be comic relief. The "Listener"? Here I thought "Cypher" from New Mutants was the most worthless hero in comics history. Actually, "Informant" would have been a better moniker for Chuck. He used all sorts of mechanical gadgets to "listen"... actually, now that I think about it, he was almost like the late 60's equivalent of DC's Oracle (the former Batgirl). But that still doesn't forgive him for wearing a costume with EARS all over it! Filling the void for senior-citizen heroes, Weapons-Master looked like a psychotic Santa Claus. Golden Centurion had the best costume design of the bunch, but his power was to shoot gold. All criminals fear a guy who can shoot gold. He's wasn't even bulletproof and got taken out by a flunky's gun. "Dr. Hands"?! He had METAL HANDS! Maybe they were going for a Kato gimmick? Just in case you forgot that Chop-Chop/Dr. Hands was ORIENTAL, the colorists made sure to color his face YELLOW in every panel. How helpful.

On top of the worthless heroes, the plot's about as deep as a frisbee. Every other page features a reference to "the NEW Blackhawk Era!" and the captions are constantly pumping up the new identities. They even slip in a few "hip" words of the time-- like "swingin'" and "cats". I'm sure these phrases made the Blackhaks about as cool as Captain Dick Jackman on "Teen Talk". It's just.. bad readin'. Really rather sad, because the "NEW Blackhawk Era" was a total flop and the characters were regressed to their old ways in less than a year. The damage had been done and Blackhawk was cancelled. Denny O'Neil has publicly apologized for switching Wonder Woman to "Mod" Woman for about two years... but I'm not sure if the parties responsible for the NEW Blackhawks ever came forward.

The book never again reached the popular heights it enjoyed from the 40's to 60's, but received some notice over the years. Most notably, Howard Chaykin's controversial revamp in 1989. The Blackhawks haven't been seen much over the past 14 years, but they did make a memorable appearance on the animated "Justice League" show in 2002. Occasionally, modern DC comics will make a reference to "Blackhawk Express", a special delivery service that runs around the DCU.

If you dig terrible story pacing, bad plots, goofy heroes, weak art and awful dialogue, you'll find this book fun. In other words, if you have the entire run of "Youngblood", you NEED this book! Keep your Hawk-aaaa's dry!

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