DC Comics Presents #45 (1982)
"The Terror Network"
Writer: Gerry Conway
Artist: Rich Buckler

Not one to ignore a request, the option38 staff is returning to the big haul of cheap DC Comics Presents comics.

This time out, Firestorm and Superman hook up for DC's version of the Christopher Boyce caper. In the "real world" of the late 70's, with the Cold War still in effect, Boyce smuggled computer components to the Russians and was busted for espionage. He was captured and escaped a few times, and the story was made into the bestseller "The Falcon and the Snowman". Hollywood came calling a few years later, making it into a movie starring Timothy Hutton and Jeff Spiccoli..err, Sean Penn.

A few years after the Boyce case, and before the movie, DC whipped up this yarn. It opens with Superman smashing an escaping Russian fighter jet, somewhere over the Atlantic. The occupants eject, but not before reciting aloud their intentions. "I didn't steal these computer components --this plutonium based POWER PACK-- and haul them halfway around the world-- just to lose them now, when we're so close!" exclaims Kristopher Kross. WHat a helpful villain, he's setting up the plot for the readers. The pilot shows off some more of the writing team's 'research' by mentioning a tactic he learned at Patrice Lumumba University- sometimes it's better to cut and run.

Superman blows their parachutes over an awaiting US Navy aircraft carrier, but not before a freak lightning bolt nails Kross. Kross is dazed, but Superman flies him to the carrier, to await charges of treason. Actually, Kristopher Kross should've stood trial for charges of Writing Crappy Pop Songs-- like "Sailing", "Never Be the Same" and "Theme from Arthur"--songs which STILL haunt retail store muzak programming today!

Meanwhile, Professor Martin Stein, one-half of Firestorm is arrested by the FBI for being an accessory to Kross. Kross shared Stein's office and the Prof is guilty by association. While Stein is hauled in for questioning, the other half of Firestorm, Ronnie Raymond, is so distraught that he screws up his basketball game. After the game, Ronnie summons Stein into Firestorm, and they take off to find Superman. We have to fill in the blanks and assume that Kross's capture by Superman was covered on the news.

Super-vision, Super-breath, and now..Super-funny

As a Justice League member, Firestorm had instructions to contact Clark Kent, should he need Superman. He feels that Stein is being framed by one of Kross's employers. Firestorm flies into Kent's Daily Planet office, where Superman willingly devulges his secret identity. Now, you could make jokes about "gee, Firestorm was the dumbest hero in the world, if he couldn't piece Superman and Clark Kent together". But you have to remember that this was PRE-Crisis DC...when all sorts of wacky explanations helped the Clark Kent/Superman ruse. One was that Superman would vibrate waves over his face as Kent, to make the two identities have slightly different facila features. On top of that, Superman would condense his spine by a few inches so Kent would appear shorter. Then there was also the different mannerisms, which Christopher Reeve pulled off so well in the movies. Besides, this is COMICS we're talking about... you're required to suspend your disbief for stories about aliens and nuclear men.

Superman and Firestorm fly out to the carrier to talk to Kross. But wait, what's this? As a result of that freak lightning bolt, Kross has merged with his computer components and plutonium-- he can now remotely control all mechanical items! Apparently, the change also caused Kross to become bald and pink while sporting orange undies! Now an official villain, Kriss-Kross battles the heroes with remote controled planes and the ol' reliable Energy Blasts.

Kriss-Kross taps into NASA's satellites and other US satellites. Fortunately, his connection is displayed by a visible beam of pink energy. Superman dukes it out with Kriss-Kross until Firestorm is able to fly into space and disrupt the energy beam. With the energy grid broken, the heroes easily take out Kross. Back home, Stein was indeed framed by Kross's employers. Firestorm plays a dumb joke on the FBI agent and the story ends with a Good-Natured Full Body Laugh.

Harmless and disposable, this story was a good example of 1982. Superman uses his old PRE-Crisis exclamation of "Great Rao!"-- a Krypton god. The naval commander also utters "Great Thunder". TRY saying that next time you're astonished. To be hip, Firestorm compared his aerial combat to "blasting Space Invaders in the Times Square Arcade!". The writers also managed to work in some AUTHENTIC Russian dialogue like "Kharoshi!" and "Nyet!", complete with translations! To be fair, it wasn't until about 1985 or so that Americans began to know more about Russia. A certain former movie star in the White House had been telling us that they were EVIL, after all.

I don't believe Kriss-Kross ever made an appearance again. Someone may go through EVERY panel of "Crisis on Infinite Earths" to see if he made a background battle royale cameo. Firestorm, of course, went on to re-launch his own series about a month after this story.

The art's not horrible, but rather typical of the straightforward style in comics of the 70's and 80's. The dialogue is a little wordy, but like they always did in this era, the characters narrate the plot. Despite its real world influences, the story ends up as the usual "guys in tights punching each other". It's a step above the animated SuperFriends team-ups. If SuperFriends was targetted toward grade school kids, this was towards junior high kids. Currently, there's alot of nostalgia at DC for this time period, but I don't feel we need to jump back here. I'd rather spend on a dollar on this type of story, than 2.95.

Summary: Superman and Firestorm in DC's version of "The Falcon and the Snowman". Only with a pink dude...and a guy from Krypton...and a high school basketball game.. and Firestorm...and, aww frick it.
Cover price: .60
Rating: 1.00

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