COMICS-(WHEN HYPERTIMES COLLIDE)

Another easy one. Again, reaching into the "Wrestler" vs. "Comic Book Hero" bag. Recently, WWF wrestler Kurt Angle has been referring to himself as an All-American "superhero". A former Olympian, Angle consistently comes to the ring in red-white and blue attire. The WWF markets a t-shirt for Angle. One that features a white star in the middle of the chest... verrrry similar to Captain America's famous costume. So, how would YOUR Olympic Hero stack up against the Living Legend of World War II? An analytical breakdown follows:

Tale o' the Tape- Captain America vs. Kurt Angle
	Captain America	Kurt Angle	Advantage
Theme Song	"when Captain America throws his might shielllld..."	Leftover entrance theme from The Patriot's run in the WWF	Capt. America
Number of flopped movies	1- (1990's "Captain America")	0	Capt. America
Former Sidekicks	Bucky, Falcon, Bucky II, Nomad, Diamondback	Edge and Christian	Capt. America
Imposters	The Patriot, Spirit of 76, US Agent	Eric Angle	Capt. America
Motivation	To defend America and preserve Bucky's memory	To win the WWF title and drink milk	Capt. America
Championship belts won	0	3	Kurt Angle
Had the hots for	Sharon Carter and Diamondback	Stephanie McMahon	Capt. America
Number of times beaten by Batman	1	0	Kurt Angle
Props/equipment carried	Adamantium prototype shield	Gold Medals from the 96 Olympics	Capt. America
Arch Enemies	Red Skull, Baron Zemo	Stone Cold Steve Austin, Chris Benoit	Capt. America
Lamest Enemy	Batroc	Tazz	Kurt Angle
Number of times frozen in ice	1	0	Capt. America
Teams led	Avengers, Thunderbolt Redeemers, Invaders	rejected for WWF "leadership" during the inVasion storyline	Capt. America
Lamest/funniest moment	Responding to calls from Cap's Hotline. Date with Diamondback. Left Avengers to train a boxer in Avengers #24	"Yippee-ki-yay.. mother hubbard"	Kurt Angle
Boss	US President (currently a dumb Republican)	Vince McMahon	PUSH
Costume	Chainmail body suit, red gloves and boots, mask with wings, shield	red, white, blue wrestling singlet	Capt. America
Signature moves	Tossing his shield	Angle Slam. Ankle lock submission. Moonsault.	Kurt Angle

Final score: a 11-5-1 bludegeoning for Captain America. Oh, it's true, it's true! This "match" would be a "Thor's Hammer on a Pole" match. After several minutes of fighting, Angle hits Cap with the Angle Slam and then tries to ascend the pole and pick up Thor's hammer. Being unworthy to wield the hammer, Angle whines in frustration, until Cap (being the only mortal worthy enough to carry the hammer) picks the thing up and brains him with it. Of course, how Thor's supposedly un-liftable Uru Hammer ever got up on the pole is a good question...

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