COMICS-Tales of the Bargain Bin: Green Arrow #50 (July 2005)
Writer: some Writer
Pencils: some "artist"

Green Arrow #50 follows Green Arrow, "Team Green", the Outsiders and Starfire as they try to save Arsenal from the EVIL clutches of the Riddler. That's the setup...the execution's even worse.

Riddler has apparently become Cobra Commander. He's shacked up inside an old prison, which resembles any Cobra hideout from 1982 to 1994. Riddler has the joint well-fortified with rocket launchers, flying robots guards and a small army. The story plays out as a half-ass GI joe plot from 1985-- the crack commando squad of superheroes must fight through an army of giant robots and guards to storm the fort. I wish I was making this shit up.

Riddler's usualy presented as a manipulator or crafty planner. The 1990's were filled with alot of forgettable stories, but one Batman annual from 1995 did a good job of presenting the Riddler's motives. He considers his crimes "art" and revels in the chance to rub it in someone's face. He doesn't leave riddles because he WANTS to get caught, he leaves them because he needs an audience. (albeit a late arriving audience that would, ideally, feel outsmarted). In this story, Riddler's just a dumb fucking mercenary psycho with a buncha' technological crap. There's no thought, twist or flair to this scheme...he's just EVIL and has guns! But he still blurts out RIDDLES. BFD... he may as well be quoting Shakespeare or the National League boxscores.

Heaped in with the crappy art and plot is another "showdown" with the idiotic Drakon. Drakon is placed in amongst Riddler's citadel, as part of the "inner defenses".. just like Storm Shadow in the Silent Castle. Connor Hawke and Speedy get to enjoy messing around with Drakon, while Green Arrow gets separated form his charges and gets his butt kicked by Riddler. Riddler simply SHOOTS Ollie in the shoulder, then beats him with a baseball bat. Riddler babbles on some more, but decides to leave when the "perimeter alarm" of his citadel goes off. That's it..he just up and leaves.

Well, at least nobody tripped the SELF DESTRUCT mechanism on the fort. Oh wait..two pages later, someone BLOWS UP Ollie's townhome, so no cliche has been left unturned!

But wait, there's more! The final two pages feature supposed Green Arrow "mastermind villain" Brick talking to Deathstroke. Deathstroke says of Green Arrow: "I am SO looking forward to seeing him again". Now, that's just shitty dialogue. It does not sound like something Deathstroke, the rather distinguished and serious mercenary with a weird sense of honor would say. "I am SO looking forward"? Why not "I am totally geeked at the chance to kick his butt"?! Deathstroke would say something like "I am greatly anticipating encountering him again".

Also, three minor points. On the cover, ALL 3 archers are shown as being LEFT-handed. Plus, I thought Starfire (she's made of GLOWING GOLD, Y'know?) hung out with the Teen Titans...NOT the Outsiders. Finally, I don't read "Outsiders", but when they guest star in a book NOT named "Outsiders", I'd appreciate at least one mention of each member's name. Two characters run prominently through the story, and I have no idea what their names are (the black gal with the blonde hair--Black LIghtning's kid--, and the redhead tatooed chic)

This Writer needs to put some fucking THOUGHT into his plots and dialogue. Ideas you get off of shitty cable movies are not instantly validatted by tossing in a few DC superheroes. I mean...a straight-up commando raid on a small army?! That's "Delta Force Commando 5", not "Green Arrow #50".

Once again, the title of the story is ANOTHER cliche...a weak technique that the Writer loves. This month it's "All Together Now". But I'm a helpful guy, so I present, free of charge: CLICHED STORY TITLES FOR THIS SHITTY WRITER (All composed in a timeframe of, oh, 30 seconds!):
"Paper or Plastic"
"May the Force Be With You"
"Rush Hour Traffic"
"Morning Commute"
"1st & Ten"
"Right Turn Only"
"Off His Rocker"...or, the Writer can stretch this one and get "Off HER Rocker" and "Off THEIR Rocker" out of it.
"Now Playing"
"Who Lets the Dogs Out?"
"Hasta La Vista, Baby"
"Don't Go There"
"I Have Good News"
"Limited 2 Year Warranty"
"Sunday Driver"
"Knock, Knock..Who's There?"
"Speed Kills"
"Clip N' Save"
"Just Win Baby"
"History Repeats Itself"
"Scavenger Hunt"
"A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss"
"By the Book"
"Through the Years"
"Cross Country"
"A Question of Integrity"
"Wash, Rinse, Repeat"
"One Size Fits All"
"Pay day"
"Walk the Walk"
"I Just Shit My Pants"

Keep track of these. I gurantee that this Writer will use at least ONE of them in the next few months.

In summary, this Writer is a fucking hack and Green Arrow is a shitty book.

Summary: A rejected plot for a GI Joe comic.
Cover Price: 3.50
Rating: .12

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