Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne

I'm hoping to hack out a running narrative of DC's "Batman: Return of Bruce Wayne" 6-issue series, as I read 'em, with all summaries eventually on this ONE page. But... I don't have a "Pull Box Hold" for this title and, unlike most fanboys, I don't run to the comic shop with a raging erection every Wednesday to get my weekly haul. I usually go on the weekends, the Tuesday after, or I've even been known to...gasp...skip a week! So if you're expecting up-to-the-minute bullet reviews of this series; I'm sorry, but this is not your lucky day. But I WILL finish covering the entire series when all's said and done. This will "Change the DCU Forever"!!

Issue 6

In the modern era at the Hall of Justice, Bruce arrives, radiating omega energy and controlled by the spirit of Darkseid. His original, recovered, cloak is also shooting out radiation as well. Bruce takes out the Titans, but slows down when Red Robin talks to him. With the help of Wonder Woman, Superman and Red Robin, the omega energy and Darkseid possession are purged from Bruce. Bruce completely revives when Red Robin tells him that Gotham needs Batman.

As a residual effect of Bruce's romp through time, it's mentioned that Darkseid's spirit actually went to Doctor Hurt. Another, more important, effect is that Bruce's adventures created an ongoing fear of bats in human culture... one which eventually inspired a young Bruce Wayne to adopt the identity of Batman.

Issue 6 Stuff That Wasn't Evident in the Book
• There's a brief mention of the archivist robots about "Lazarus energy". Whether or not this ties to Ra' al Ghul's famous pits is open to intepretation.
   
• This was actually evident in the book; but Brue instructed Jack Valor (issue 3) to write "Gotcha'" in the mystery box.
   
• Well, this proves that I'm rather clueless on current DC happenings: it wasn't Gar Logan as the gorilla all along. It was Congorilla. He's colored ORANGE in this issue, yet I coulda' swore that he was GREEN in all previous appearance in this series.
   
• There are two secondary script narrations going on in this issue. One is obviously told from the point-of-view of a young Bruce Wayne on the night a bat flew into his study. But the other? I'm not sure, but I suspect it's Jack Valor.
   
• "Batman and Robin #16" adds a good deal of clarifaction regarding Dr. Hurt and the mysterious box. Turns out, the box was full of EVIL energy from Darkseid, when it was found by Thomas Wayne (the "missing Wayne portrait" and the Wayne ancestor who was thought to be a devil worshipper) in the 1800's (or issue 4, below). Thomas Wayne was corrupted by the box's energy and went on to become Dr. Hurt. Not exactly sure if Hurt is immortal, has extremely slow aging, or if he's simply a time traveller from the 1800's.
   
• Honestly, they should've titled this story "BAT CRISIS", as it was more of a sequel to "FINAL CRISIS" than anything else.
   
• I did like the little element of how Bruce created the whole aura of fear surrounding bats, though. The rest was just a buncha' random stuff that makes even LESS sense, now, as I'm writing about it.

Cover price:3.99
Rating: 1.50

Issue 5

This leads him to the Black Glove and Dr. Hurt, who are trying to stage an incident depicting that Martha Wayne killed Thomas Wayne. This sorta' fills in some of the backstory from the "Black Glove/Batman: RIP" nonsense from a few years ago; including the allegations against Alfred (basically, the Black Glove was trying to frame the Waynes, post-humously). They even get Bruce to dress up in the old "Masquerade Batman" costume that, over the years, has been attributed to Dr. Thomas Wayne and, more recently, Dr. Hurt.

There's also some gibberish about a "time box", time hypnosis and the Kane family; who are missing their daughter. So I'm guessing that wacky box from issue 4 is still floating around.

At the end, Bruce is seemingly zapped to the present and the Hall of Justice, where he appears in a creepy techno form. The Justice League has recovered Bruce's cowl, which has been sent through various eras. The weirdness is coming to an end, thankfully....but I'm sure DC will drag out more details into their 7 Bat-titles over the next two years.

Issue 5 Stuff That Wasn't Evident in the Book
• In the present, Red Robin mentions that he's been Batman's partner longer than anybody else had. That's tough to digest, since it's usually assumed that Dick Grayson was Robin the longest.
   
• Once again, Gar Logan remains in big gorilla form! Or maybe it's not Gar Logan and it's some new character I'm not savvy to.
   
• Roddy Kane, an oldster, appears as an invalid in some sort of breathing tank. Think of the screenwriter who had a brief appearance in "The Big Lebowski"
   
• Apparently DC released a buncha' "Bruce Wayne: The Road Home" one-shots featuring Red Robin, Batgirl, Commissioner Gordon and others. Once again, DC is changing their "plans" and stretching stuff out again. I'm sure there are some details that affect THIS story in those one-shots.
   
• I've given up on trying to place DC's stories in order. Wonder Woman is around, still in her traditional red/white/blue swimsuit and not the "new" costume that debutted a few months ago.

Cover price:3.99
Rating: 1.00

Issue 4

Savage orders an Indian named Midnight Horse and "The Judge", Doctor Thomas Wayne, to interrogate the girl and find out how to open the bat-box. The box ihas ties to the ancient Magaini "Bat People" tribe-- which spooks Midnight Horse out of his drawers. Savage has also hired the notorious bounty hunter, Jonah Hex, to help protect him and bring in the Lone Bat-Ranger. The Bat-Ranger arrives and takes out the flunkies as Savage, Thomas Wayne, Catherine and Hex escape on a wagon. The wagon crashes as Thomas Wayne's son, suddenly appears in the road, apparently trying to kill himself.

Savage takes out Thoams Wayne and disappears. Catherine opens the bat-box and gives it to the Bat-Ranger. Its contents are rumored to be "the end of the world". Suddenly Hex, still on the payroll, actually shoots the Bat-Ranger in the stomach and sends him into the river where he disappears.

The epilogue informs us that Hex took Savage's gold (stolen from Napoleon) and wandered back into the west, leaving several bricks in his path. Catherine married the younger Wayne, as they soon built Wayne Manor; "marked with a bat", in case the Bat-Ranger ever returned. Thomas Wayne apparently had some sort of eternal youth potion, as he looked roughly the same age as his son. Thomas is seen entering a ship and departing for parts unknown. Finally, Bruce Wayne, still wounded from Hex's gunshot, appears in the downtown Gotham of the 1980's.

Issue 4 Stuff That Wasn't Evident in the Book
• Once again, character recognition is a problem, as it becomes tough to tell the Waynes apart.
   
• The outlwas originally had a third man with them, but it's not known what happened to him. Presumably, he wasn't KILLED by Bruce Wayne; rather he died trying to get away or screwed something up.
   
• The intro and outro of this issue are written in prose. It's always difficult to understand what the HELL Grant Morrison is trying to communicate as he forms very awkward sentences. Example: "I reflect more often than is comfortable for my disposition upon how it might have been had I not ventured out that gloomy night .." Almost like he's fishing at "words for the sake of words". As if putting in extra prose makes your script seem "smart".
   
• Vandal Savage suddenly disappears from the story after he smacks Thomas Wayne in the head.
   
• Big, annoying, problem about this whole "Barbatos" and Wayne Manor construction: the Gotham Earthquake. When the quake orginally hit in 1998, we were shown that Wayne Manor (and the Bat-cave for that matter) were completely destroyed. We even saw a picture of nothing but rubble of Wayne Manor. Now, a recent line in "Batman & Robin" retcons it, saying: "only a small portion of one wing was destroyed". This is where the annoying "Infinite Crisis" and the re-melding of "pre-Crisis" and "post-Crisis" history can be used as a convenient excuse. I don't think it was deliberate, as it's just lazy, egotistical writers and editors with no real handling of their subject.
   
• Maybe not 100% evident: but if you line up the covers of issues 3 & 4, the bat-signalled backgrounds match up perfectly. Issues 1 & 2 make a less-than-apparent Bat Signal of their own.
   
• Okay, the following was evident, but still worth pointing out: no JLA Time Hunters in this issue. Instead, we get "Special Guest Star SuperFriend, Jonah Hex"...who just happened to have a movie coming out this month. Err, it was out. It may already be available on Netflix.

Cover price:3.99
Rating: .40

Issue 3

We see why nobody has lived to tell of the Batcave and its mythical treasure; the methane from bat-shit has killed them either from apphysixation or flammability. Blackbeard's men accidentally ignite the methane gas, fatally burning most of them. Bruce takes a cloak he arrived in, and fights Blackbeard on top of a "bridge of bones". Blackbeard and his assistant Mr. Hands (no relation to the Blackhawks' "Dr. Hands") are defeated, but scared shitless and decide to never search for treasure again.

Jack Loggins reveals to Bruce that he's actually "Jack Valor", and that the real Black Pirate was his grandpa. The Magiani recognize Jack and take him; along with Bruce; to their little shrine. Jack and Bruce (whoa...is there suddenly a CREAM reference?!) exit the cave. Bruce gives Jack the cloak he used to fight Blackbeard and tells him to look up the Wayne family, soon. Jack is inspired, takes over his grandpa's leagcy and goes on to become the Dread Pirate Roberts....errrr, the Black Pirate. Bruce then disappears once again.

The final few pages are set around the 1870's, as two outlaws have hired none other than Jonah Hex to protect them from a mysterious bat-themed rider.

In the present-day DCU, the Justice League and the Titans have hooked up with Red Robin and are now on "Black Alert". In Bludhaven, Batman (Dick Grayson) and Robin have investigated Command-D where Bruce was held captive by Darkseid. They confirm that Bruce escaped his cell/torture-device, as the holes on the device line up with holes in Bruce's original cloak.

There was also two panels of Darkseid saying "Remember" and Bruce saying.... "Gotcha."

Issue 3 Stuff That Wasn't Evident in the Book
• Not too much this time out. Although Blackbeard appears to have four little flame-powered "headlights" on his face. Pretty distracting.
   
• I'm slow on the uptake, but I just realized that all these time-displaced Batmen are sorta' like the crappy 1994 action figure line, "Legends of Batman". An over-sculpted line which featured Elseworlds stuff like "Pirate Batman" or "Gladiator Batman". I remember being excited about the line at the time, since it had Nightwing and Azrael figures.... but now: the less said, the better. The only thing more embarassing than being a 19 year old loser buying Batman toys? Being a 36 year old loser with those things sitting in a box and wondering WHY he ever bought them.
   
• Seems a bit of stretch to have these pirates messing around Gotham. The shores of the North Atlantic doesn't really seem like a good locale for your pirate story.
   
• For whatever reason, the Titans' Gar Logan is sitting around in the form of a Giant Monkey. Really, if shape-shifting was my power, I'd change into a Giant Monkey whenever I could! Or maybe a Baby Seal so I could pick up chicks. Also, I'm only assuming it's Gar/Changeling/Beast Boy.
   
• So I finally realized that it's been the Batcave we've been seeing all this time. Seems to be a popular place, as several characters have wandered into it over the years. Makes you wonder how its location is supposed to be all enigmatic and unknown in the present day.

Cover price:3.99
Rating: 1.00

Issue 2

Turns out, Annie accidentally summoned the squid/demon/Not-Starro thing that arrived with Bruce. She was praying for a savior from the heavens (or something), which brought Bruce along with the monster. Furthermore, it's revealed that Malleus is actually Nathaniel Wayne, while Bruce somewhat accidentally became the mysterious "Mordecai Wayne". A somewhat significant plot point that was brought up in recent issues of "Batman & Robin", when Dick Grayson's crew began to question all the old paintings of Wayne ancestors. Bruce eventually disappears from the Puritan Gotham Town"...and ends up at the foot of Blackbeard the Pirate, seemingly in yet another era.

Meanwhile, Superman and his Pals have tracked the "Omega Radiation" which sent Bruce back in time, courtesy of Darkseid. They track the radiation to the Vanishing Point at the end of time, the last outpost of the time-preserving Linear Men. There, they meet a robotic archivist who answers some questions and presents even more. It's discovered that Darkseid sent Bruce back in time as a "Doomsday Device", and that he'll destroy the world once he arrives back in the 21st Century. This realization (along with memories of "Annie) causes the "archivist" to reveal himself-- it's actually a future version of Bruce Wayne.

Issue 2 Stuff That Wasn't Evident in the Book
• It's difficult to tell the difference between Mordecai and Malleus, as both wear the exact same outfit (Pilgrim Cape and Big Hat). In several panels, they're only shown in shadows...so it's difficult to make out who's who. I had to frequently re-read pages and dissect the dialogue balloons to figure out who they were talking about.
   
• The passage of time is confusing as well. A caption box saying "Months later" would've been nice. At first, it seems like all the Mordecai-Malleus stuff is happening while Bruce is holed up and recuperating with Annie. Since Bruce was only in the Caveman Era for a day or two, it's a bit confusing.
   
• The squid/demon thing isn't explained and its origins aren't even hinted at. I'm guessing it was included as part of Darkseid's plot.... maybe?
   
• They missed an opportunity to make this the Greatest Comic Ever. To achive that, all they had to do was have Brother Mordecai politely ask Brother Malleus (The Hammer) to not harm any individuals. In other words, he would've been saying: "please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em".

Cover price:3.99
Rating: 1.50

Issue 1

Anyways, Bruce hangs out with them, but he's unable to understand or communicate with them. Bruce seems to be spouting gibberish, but the cavemen believe he's from the "Sky People", since there's a rocketship embedded not far away from his cave. There's even one caveman who looks like old 90's Aquaman (but with two hands). They call each other stuff like Old Man, Da, Giant and... Joker? At least that's how I read it; there's a caveman named "Joker". Too bad Bruce couldn't communicate with them and mised the opportunity to say "Hi.... Joker", a la Pvt. Pyle. Since he walked out from a cave full of bats, the cavemen call Bruce "Man of Bats". Inside the cave, we see an older dead caveman...along with some hieroglyphics Bruce painted on the wall in "Final Crisis #6"-- symbols of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman.

At night, Bruce and his cavemen pals are attacked by the neighboring "Blood Mob". Sounds like a hip-hop group, but they're a tribe of cannibals led by ol' Vandal Savage. I kinda' expected Vandal to appear, as soon as I opened this book. I like his character, so I'm glad he's included. As the Blood Mob attacks, they kll the other cavemen, but Bruce manages to save the Young Boy. "Chief Savage" then captures Bruce, drags him back to his camp, and plans to pummel him the next day. Savage makes a reference to a previous "bat beast" who appeared not too long ago. Just like he did to the "bat beast", Savage pans to beat the crap out of Bruce and make an example of him.

The Young Boy, now inspired by Bruce and dressed up like a pre-historic Robin, sneaks into Savage's camp at night and frees Bruce. Since it's perfectly normal behavior, Bruce takes to wearing the skinned carcass of the "bat beast". They escape, Bruce fights off Savage, and the sky mysteriously goes dark. The Blood Mob cast out Savage because he "made the sky go black". Bruce and the Boy jump off a waterfall...but Bruce disappears. Superman, Booster Gold and Green Lantern then appear with Rip Hunter's Time Sphere. Superman confirms that Bruce isn't in this particular time period.

The last page has Bruce appear in a pool of water, apparently around 1500 AD in America. He's pursued by a big tentacly monster. So... he's jumping around in time at random intervals. Remember those episodes of "LOST" where John Locke was moving through time? It's basically that. And, like most stuff DC has pumped out in the lst 8 years, there's some junk that's hinted at, but not explained. "This will all make sense in the end" is their mantra. Like, remember how the awful 2004 Doom Patrol series was supposed to be explained as part of "Infinite Crisis" (including how it was suposedly intentionally bad)? No? Well, KEEP READING (and buying).

Issue 1 Stuff That Wasn't Evident in the Book
Frustrating, but it wasn't until I went online to find an image of this comic that I found out two key points: 1- The older dead caveman was Anthro. Despite the fact that Anthro was, y'know, DEAD, the cavemen didn't suspect Bruce of anything. I don't think I've ever read anything with Anthro in it, so I wouldn't be shocked if Joker and Giant are usual cast members of Anthro's stuff.

2- The embedded rocket ship was apparently something called the "Miracle Machine" and was launched in other random DC titles-- well over a year ago. So basially, this series is starting off as a direct sequel to "Final Crisis". Even picking up from the last page of that fart-fest. Shit...just when I had purged that garbage from my memories and collective conciousness. Now DC wants me to refresh myself with that junk. Darn you, DC! Darn you all to Heck!!

Cover price:3.99
Rating: 1.25

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