Some Crap the Option38 Sports Staff is Watching This Year:

1. New Managers Across the Board
   -In Detroit: Will Jim Leyland suffer from burnout again and when will lung cancer kick in?
   -In Florida: Does Joe Girardi really know baseball, or is he just a Yankee fanboy trying to emulate their rules and regulations in the apathetic humidity of Miami?
   -In Pittsburgh: After going with a "youth movement" mid-way through last season, are the Bucs back to their old ways of signing mediocre aging players (Jeromy Burnitz, Sean Casey, Joe Randa and JOSE HERNANDEZ??!!)
   -Will these, or any other new manager, make two squirts of difference?
    
2. World Baseball "Classic"
   MLB finally found their own version of the NFL's Pro Bowl-- a worthless exhibition series that was forgotten quicker than the Olympics. Several players refused to play for certain teams, citing injuries or team commitements. In reality they were just too fucking lazy to leave the relative comfort of Spring Training, fly across three time zones and play a worthless exhibtion. Of the players that did commit, a few were given senseless assignments to foreign teams. Like Mike Gallo and Mike Piazza on Team Italy, Mark Mulder on Team Netherlands and Brian Fuentes on Team USA (No "Team USA" should ever have one, much less TWO Rockies on it...especially if they're not named Todd Helton). With that logic, it's surprising that MLB didn't whip up a Team Liberia, composed of African-American players.

   With pitch counts, mercy rules and gigantic rosters, the entire tournament wasn't treated with much priority. MLB could stop their season in mid-July, but players still wouldn't treat the Classic as serious as they do regular MLB games. Just like the Pro Bowl, guys would create phantom injuries or find other reasons to skip out. As long as the regular season exists, it will be impossible to deal with the WBC as the "Classic" it's supposed to be.
    

3. Mike Piazza's West Coast Return
   He was a Met longer than he was a Dodger, but Piazza was insanely popular in Southern California. Does he have anything left, or is this like the Indians signing Keith Hernandez? (Or Pirates signing Hank Greenberg, for that matter). Same for eStragand Sports Fave Frank Thomas, now in Oakland.
    
4. Train, Say Your Prayers and Take Your VITAMINS
   Mark it down, someone will get busted AGAIN for steroids. Over/under on the first bust is April 15th (tax day..why not?). Once again, it'll bring negative press to the game and make any Office Asshole Within Earshot an "authority" on baseball. Followed by endless rants about how athletes are "role models" and they wouldn't have done this back in the Golden Age of the shitty deadball 1930's. The real culprit in the whole scandal is MLB itself and Bud Selig's delayed "To Do" list. They never got around to taking a stance on steroids and now it's a national embarassment.
    
5. Who Wins This Thing?
   Benjie Molina goes to the Blue Jays and suddenly people pick them as "darkhorse Wild Card contenders". Kidding aside, baseball's been hard to predict over the past 5 seasons. Diamondbacks? Angels? Marlins? Red Sox? White Sox? Few predicted these guys would win the Series, or make the playoffs in some cases. Both Sox broke long dry spells, which makes World Series wins for the Giants and Indians seem probable. But it just won't be the Cubs. Ever.
    
6. Goose Gossage Still Isn't in the Hall of Fame
   And he still shouldn't be..... but that won't stop writers and sportscaster from lamenting about this putz for another year. The Hall of Pretty Good is located in Spokane, Washington in case you need to see his bust enshrined somewhere.
    
7. Break out the Tarps
   For the first time, the Colorado Rockies are publicly admitting their dwindling attendance and will close off certain upper deck sections for "select games". Most likely, they'll stretch giant tarps over the sections...but that might cost money. After all, this is a franchise that went without a color guard for a few games last year, just to cut costs. R you kidding me?
    
8. Fuck Atlanta
   Another fact to mark down: the Braves will win their 37th straight division title and lose in the playoffs again.

The Great Shit-in
On Monday, March 20, 1996 at approximately 8:15 PM EST, I officially completed one of my Life's Goals-- I took a dump in Space Coast Stadium and have now shat in EVERY MLB Spring Training Stadium (while a game was playing, natrally). You can check my scorecard HERE. So when I say that I sit upon the throne of Sping Training.... I'm not shitting you.

Some notes about the final five fields I visited last week:

Roger Dean Stadium (Cardinals, Jupiter, FL)
• There are exactly THREE gas stations in Jupiter, all at the same intersection. So fill up your tank before you go.
• The Cards are a popular draw, so the place is typically packed.
• Fans seemt o dig So Taguchi and "Way to go, So" is their new catchphrase. I got an autogrpahed ball from him, and I thought it was especially cool that he signed in both English and Japanese.
• Orioles beat the Cardinals when some guy with a wide receiver number bounced a ball over the shortstop's head.

Ft. Lauderdale Stadium (Orioles, Ft. Lauderdale, FL)
• What a frickin' dump. It's an old run-down parking lot by a small commuter airport. I've seen nicer high school fields. Hell, the place where I used to play softball, out in shithole Aurora was nicer.
• Their groundskeeper is a complete 1991 AOR music dork. He walks around in an Aerosmith jacket and insists that Aerosmith is played before, after and during the game, over the PA system. He also likes Van Hagar. I'm sure this dick drives a Trans Am. Before the game, we were "treated" to a full 45 minute session of Aerosmith's B-sides and rarities. There are supposedly 7 levels of HELL and I'm quite positive that Level 4 consists of being at Orioles Spring Training while being hit with a blistering rendition of Aerosmith's awful cover of the Doors' "Love me two times".
• Orioles pounded the Nationals, by a score of 13-2 or something.

Tradition Field (Mets, Port St. Lucie, FL)

• I wasn't excited about hitting this field, but it was one of the nicer places I've been to. Lots of bright blue and white and a nice, clear digital display on the scoreboard.
• Plenty of free parking across the street.
• Mets beat the Mouther Fuckin' Braves, 3-2, when Anderson Hernandez made like a bakery truck and hauled buns to homeplate after an overthrow at second base.
• You get a nifty plastic cup when you buy a beverage or libation.

Osceola County Stadium (Astros, Kissimmee, FL)

• Another good complex. Ample parking day and night, wide aisles to roam around and lots of autograph-haggling areas down each corner. Nice place, where you can wander around the practice fields and see all the amazing crap that a team that routinely gets trounced in the playoffs is capable of.
• Tigers beat the Astros, 5-2, I think. Jeff Bagwell played DH in his home field.
• Around the fifth inning, I was hanging out around the left field corner and Brad Lidge was walking out of the clubhouse. I got off a good "Cherry Creek SUCKS" heckle at him. He looked back, and I know he heard me. (see, Lidge went to Creek, the high school that cheated against mine in the 1991 state football final). Everytime I see him, I get that blast off. I saw him in the bullpen in Baltimore last June, got his attention and told him that, yes, "Cherry Creek SUCKS!". He came through Denver a few weeks later and I did the same. Now he's heard it in Florida. He probably thinks he has a stalker. All he has to do is say "you're right ES!" and it'll be over. I will be avenged then.
• I was extremely jazzed to get an autogrpah from Jim Leyland and Don "Sluggo" Slaught. '92 Pirates rule!! When I was looking over my scheduled visits, I thought to self : "if I had the power of the Beyonder, I'd make it so I could get Jim Leyland's autogrpah". That worked, and I got Slaught and Kenny Rogers as a bonus.
• After I got Rogers's signature, I asked him if I could take his picture. He then proceeded to beat the shit out of me.

Space Coast Stadium (Nationals, Viera, FL)
• Located in a newly developed township. Not much around it now, but come back in 10 years and it'll be surrounded by condos, strip malls and Chipotles.
• As I was driving there, I had to restrain myself from yelling "Spaaaaaace Coast!". I was hoping to see Brak and Moltar in the field.
• Each foul pole is named after space shuttle debris. Challenger and Columbia.
• The scoreboard out in left field is manually operated. Think really really old school. A guy walks out on the ledge and hangs number placards. No players, numbers or position are listed up there, either.
• Nationals got up 2-0 in the second. The bullpen imploded in the sixth, led by Joey Eishcen, and they ended up losing 5-11 to the Dodgers.
• Nationals OF/leadoff man Brandon Watson impressed. First pitch of the game, he laid down a bunt and easily beat it out. He also stole two bases. Good kid and is probably my INSIDER FANTASY BASEBALL SLEEPER PICK: "Need to beef up your teams SBs and OBP, pick up Nationals OF Brandon Watson for cheap. Or call my exclusive fantasy hotline!!!! The tips the other guys are charging you for, I'm givin' away FREE! I gotta' be crazy, but you're crazy if you don't call!!! It's free, bucko!"
• Ryan Church's significant other was sitting in the section to my right. Fuck, is she hot. That skank Anna Benson is Single A ball compared to her. A buncha' other players' wives and girlfriends were seated there as well. They fawned over every baby stroller that went by.
• In the eighth inning I saw Dante Bichette and his son get up from behind homeplate and head out of the stadium. Dante! One of the eStragand Hall of Famers, who made every flyball an adventure! He was there as a regular fan, so I didn't badger him. Nice to know that he's still following the game. Oh yeah, he also got a haircut.

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