Opening Week 2009
April 10, 2009
I'm sitting at work, just three blocks from Coors Field, wearing my National League All-Star BP jerseys and thinking about taking a loonnnnng lunch to sneak in some of the Rockies' Opening Day. Then I realize that I haven't typed/babbled about baseball in quite awhile. Since the 2007 World Series. Well golly... it's still my #1 sport, but with the Website switchover and other stuff, I haven't had a chance to write anything. I haven't come up with any stupid baseball jokes in awhile either. Yeah, I missed out on a whole season of potential shitty jokes about the Rays, Phillies and Brad Lidge's Mole.

You missed out on hearing about my remote baseball dumps; as I shat Fenway Park, PETCO Park and Shea Stadium last season. I also missed out on writing about the crappy "Praying for Gil Hodges" book, along with another generic "Baseball" book that resembled a toilet-seat cover. Or all my gushing about the new MLB Network; with how much I wanna' boink Trenni Kusnierek and how much I wanna' punt Harold Reynolds. Oh well.

So now that I'm back and up-to-date, what should I babble about? Since it's the Fuckin' Internets and only two topics have garnered continual traffic since 1995, let's talk about one of them. No, not porn... let's talk about GAMBLING.

Anyways, I'm not a gambler at all. But I was in Las Vegas the other week and wandered into a Sports Book area. A dimly-lit room with rows of little desk cubicles, all under giant TVs displaying horse racing and NCAA Final Four games. Apparently the only guy in the place who wasn't interested in college hoops, it took me awhile to find out see what was available. Eventually I found that the over/under on the Pittbsburgh Pirates' 2009 win total was 68.5. So I took the over and wagered 10 bucks in hope that they'll impress me. Most fans like to wager on their team winning the World Series, but I wanted something realistic (plus, I had taken a pounding at the blackjack table and wanted to recoup something). I honestly think they could win 72-75 games...but I seem to think that EVERY year at this time. All this has happened before and will happen again.

They had their first season highlight on Opening Day, even. Down to their final strike, they rallied on Jack Wilson's three-run double and beat the Cardinals in St. Louis.

So if all goes well and they win at least 69 games, I'll get 20 bucks...which I'll promptly spend on a Roberto Clemente baseball card via eBay. "69, dudes!"

Oh..and in other Vegas news: guess who I saw signing autographs in the mall at Caesar's Palace? Pete Rose. Right...I'm sure Pete was just in town to sign autographs. No other reason...

Ol' Lightning Wit struck again... what I should've done was placed a bet on the REDS. Then taken that betting stub over to Pete Rose, paid the autograph fee and gotten him to sign it. That would've been allright.

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