A No-Hitter of a Different Kind
September 27, 2004
Mr. 3000 sounded like a fun movie. Based on a fictional asshole who suddenly retired and cashed in after getting exactly 3000 hits, the movie has a funny idea--but like Craig Wilson, it fails to connect. Nine years after his retirement, Stan Ross (Bernie Mac) is still an asshole and runs a "Mr. 3000" franchise. Straining believability a bit, Ross owns an entire strip mall, based on his "Mr. 3000" gimmick. While campaigning for the Hall of Fame, someone discovers that Ross was incorrectly creditted with 3 hits during an unofficial game. Now at 2,997, Ross decides to come out of retirement to get those 3 hits.

That's the funniest joke of the entire movie. The rest of the movie is spent with weak humor and undeveloped characters, both of which make "Police Academy 5" seem like comedic gold. Stan Ross resembles the stereotype of Barry Bonds, and you'd think a few jabs at the Giants slugger would enter, but they never do. You'd also think the movie would poke fun at baseball's obsession with numbers, but that too is ignored. Mac gives an energetic performance, but the script doesn't give him much to work with.

The director seemed to be pushing for a completely realistic feel. That's a noble idea, but it soon weighs the movie down. We're subjected to countless "real" clips from ESPN, Fox Sports and other media outlets. The sets of Baseball Tonight, Best Damn Sports Show, Pardon the Interruption, SportsCenter and even Jay Leno are included. It's like they're trying to make up for the lack of humor with familiarity. "This isn't exactly funny..but LOOK- they're talking about our fictional character on ESPN! Isn't that neat?!" If I wanted to see clips of shitty sports shows, I'd turn on cable. That's not worth 9 bucks to me.

An annoying aspect of some baseball movies are the fictional teams. Think of "the New York Knights" from "The Natural". Mr. 3000 has the approval of MLB, so official team uniforms and facilities are used. Fake players are used, similar to the "Major League" movies. They even drop the names of Brewers' legends Paul Molitor and Robin Yount. Much of the movie was filmed in and around Milwaukee's Miller Park. However, despite all the attempts at realism, there's a glaring error in the movie's opening flashback: Ross is seen playing at Miller Park in 1995. Miller Park opened in 2002. Oops.

You'll find this movie boring if you're a non-baseball fan. If you are a baseball fan, you'll find it not only boring, but bothersome as well. You can dress up a crappy comedy all you want, but it's still a crappy comedy. Three beer movie.

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