September 10, 2001

This Promo's For You
The Cardinals struck paydirt on Labor Day with rookie hurler Bud Smith. Under a national audience on EPSN's septuplet-header, Smith no-hit the San Diego Padres. Especially impressive was the seventh innning pinch hitter he struck out- Tony Gwynn. Smith had cruised through 20 batters, but it looked like his number was up when Gwynn entered the batter's box. I've always maintained that there's no shame in losing your no-hitter to Tony Gwynn. But, Smith then proceeded to Gwynn to ground out and the no-hitter was officially ON.

Back in St. Louis, the Anheuser Busch company was peeing their pants in delight. The owners of the Cardinals would just LOVE to have a guy named "Bud" being the top story. If Smith makes the team next year and shows any signs of stardom, then the Anheuser Busch promo machine will roll like mad. The Cardinals promoted McDonald's "Big Mac Land" in 1998, but that would pale in comparison to the amount of promotion a promising young pitcher named Bud may receive. Day games will become "Bud Light". During August, it'll be "Bud Dry". Even early April games may evoke memories of the short-lived "Bud ICE". They ran some sort of discounted Big Mac offer whenever Mark McGwire went deep (like a free Big Mac the next day, or something). We can only hope they run some kind of discounted beer promo for every Bud Smith strikeout, next year. Beer and baseball just go together- like heavy metal and old camaros. The Bud will flow.

A De-Luxe Apartment, in the Sky-y
Mac Suzuki has a plan. The righthanded pitcher began this year with the lowly Kansas City Royals. The Royals had a .396 winning percentage and were in last place. Suzuki was then dealt to the Colorado Rockies in June, who had a .432 winning percentage and, at the time, were in fourth place. He then moved on the the Milwaukee Brewers in July. The Brewers were right below .500 and in fourth place. At this rate, expect Suzuki to end up with the first-place Yankees in 2011.

Can ya blame him?
Everyone hates Barry Bonds. "Everyone" meaning the baseball media. Bonds' record-setting homerun pace is just infuriating the media, coast to coast. Columnists see Bonds as the antithesis of "all that is right with baseball", and live in fear that Bonds could surpass the wholesome McGwire's 70. There are a few things worth noting...

Baseball writers are ticked that Bonds won't talk to them. Well, I don't think ANYBODY would want to actually talk to baseball writers. Have you seen some of these guys? These guys are freaks, and spend their days digesting stats, the waiver wire, and fantasy baseball. "Player X is hitting .450 points higher than Player Y, since May 23". Lines like that are NOT untypical from your local baseball writer. Would you really want to talk to these guys after you've just played 9 innings?

The disillusionment with Bonds goes back to his Pirates days. I believe it was 1991, when Bonds showed up for Game Two of the NLCS against Atlanta. Writers ambushed him in the parking lot, saying "Whattabout the slump, Barry? You're in a slump!" Bonds callously said "what slump? what slump?" and brushed them off. It got out of control and pretty soon, Bonds was labeled as a "jerk".

in 1995, Albert Belle was left off many AL MVP ballots, simply because baseball writers said "he's not a nice guy". One reporter even used the basis of "who would you rather have come over to your house for dinner? Albert Belle or Mo Vaughn? I'm voting for Vaughn!" Here's a question: when was the last time ANY ballplayer came over to your house for dinner? Baseball players are there to play baseball. Play Baseball. Not pose for photo opps with the United Way or toss balls to whiny kids (go to batting practice, sometime... after EVERY fly ball, kids are screaming "HERE! HERRRRRE!" It's like feeding time at Sea World. Sick.)

The question still remains- "What has Bonds done to piss people off?". In the past, he's been seen casually trotting after smashing a homerun (something he hasn't done too much THIS year). Sammy Sosa performs a jumping aerobic exhibition after each long fly ball, yet is universally applauded. Bonds has numerous charity organizations in San Francisco, but is still viewed as the national jerk. In the past eleven years, Bonds has performed without peer on the diamond, but he is despised and ridiculed.

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