SPORTS-(BRONCOS)
Vs. Seattle Seahawks (W 20-7)
The Broncos didn't need to shuffle their receiving corps, backfield or (gasp, don't say it)
their quarterback...they simply need to call upon one of the most stalwart members of their
personnel. A guy who's led the team to a staggering 25-5 record in home games. Not John Elway,
not Gus Frerotte, and definitely not Brian Griese or even Blake Ezor. They needed
Their Pal (and Yours), ES. Beset and burdened by lazy mail carriers, freezing tempreatures,
drunk bus drivers and a slow moving, 300 pound, 53 year old, 12 Butterfinger eating fat guy,
Your Pal ES was able to make it to Invesco Field and was, singlehandedly, repsonsible for
the Broncos' victory over the Seattle Seahawks.
Having not been to a Broncos' home game in two years, this was my first chance to check out the new
stadium. In terms of parking, take the bus or you're screwed. Food is the same, except they've tried to
add cutesy "local" names to everything. Instead of "Conecessions" or "Beer/Hot Dogs", it's
now "Tumblin' Mountain Eatin' Station" or "Bloated Jackass Watering Hole". No matter how you polish
a turd, it's still stadium food. Beer is 5.50, but cheaper by a quarter, if you sit your ass in the
seat and wait for a vendor to drop by. (plus, vendors carry Bud longnecks... only a few
stations have longnecks). Bathrooms have been a controversial topic among locals, with complaints
about "the old troughs at Mile High were quicker service". (you know someone has too much free time
when they're reminiscing about old piss stations!). I'm a stall man, and received
no hassle when trying to conduct my personal plumbing activities. In and out in
a few minutes (and, yes, for those of you who read the BASEBALL portion of this site, I did
take a dump). The causeways are much wider and make for quicker access. I remember waiting
20 minutes while walking down the South Stands at halftime in old Mile High Stadium.I'd get
in line for two pretzels and two beers...I would then make it back to my seats about
7 minutes into the third quarter. Here, I was able to make TWO food run, bleed my lizard, and still
make it back in time to check out the strip...errrr, cheerleaders.
Speaking of their cheerleaders, I believe I've just about tabulated all the votes for
one of the all-important 2001 ESTRAGAND.COM DENVER BRONCOS YEAR END AWARDS©. The award
for "hottest borad on the sideline with pom-poms", or whatever I decide to call it this year.
(and tune in on January 8th to see WHO walks out with that prestige award).
The tight fitting,
velvet slutty Santa Claus outfits they were wearing certainly helped. Something about those
tops, but I suspect one of those would make even MY headlights look impressive. I also noticed
another thing: sure, the cheerleaders are supposed to be wearing chaps, to coincide with
Denver's cowtown image. But, from the upper levels of the stadium, it looks like they're
wearing white leather pants with the buns cut out. Good call by the PR director..
"no, they're not butt-less pants...they're...umm...chaps! yeah! (snicker snicker)"
When "YOUR Denver Bronco Cheerleaders" were introduced before the game, the soundman played
ZZ Top's "La Grange", while they bounced around. "La Grange", a song about a whorehouse.
We also got to see the new mascot, "Miles", up close. We are informed that Miles
was born on Super Bowl Sunday, 1999, and has lived in the mountains for the past two years,
while being molested by cougars. Or something to that effect. Anyways, Miles looks kinda
light in the loafers. Even with cheerleaders pretending to fawn over him, Miles
seems like Richard Simmons in a Disney costume. People know that I absolutely HATE
the Colorado Rockies' mascot, Dinger. I'd hate to say it, but if Dinger and Miles got in a
fight, Dinger would mop the floor with this equine flake.
Believe me, I'll get to the game, soon. Other things we noticed:
- Bucky the Bronco has marbles, but no unit.
- The Broncos come out in an inflated tunnel.
- They also come out to Ricky Steamboat's old entrance theme. "Love Theme From
Bill Goldberg" also made an appearance.
- Cheesy, 80's hard rock gets ALOT of pub at NFL games. They even played
"Street of Dreams" by Deep Purple.
- Coolest soundbite played over the PA: after the first Broncos TD, they
played KISS's Paul Stanley, shrieking "HOwYall Dewwwwwing, people?
I Hooope nobody's leavin. Cuz we are just...getting...starrrrrrted". God damn, if
that didn't crack my shit up.
- Everything's crisper. The lighting is better and the everything on the field
just seems more vivid than it was at Mile High Stadium.
- Announced attendance was 69,455, with roughly 4,900 no-shows.
(Crowd: "Boooooo". Always loved that). One jackass yelled "Fuck you Pat Bowlen!
4,900 no-shows..that's 10 percent of your stadium, asshole!" Said heckler
has problems with units of measure...just ask his wife.
- Terell Davis jerseys are not being sold at 100% of retail price. This week they were
about 75% of full price. Other weeks, I'm told they're sold at 40%, or even 20%..but
just not 100%, yet. Most weeks, they're not even there.
- It's not a JumobTron, or even a BowlenTron..it's THUNDERVISION. Next time you're
shopping for a TV, ask the guy "nice picture...but does this bitch have THUNDERVISION?!"
So, anyways...with that out of the way, we can finally zero in on the game and see my
influence upon it. Broncos moved slowly in the first, staking a 10-7 lead.
Despite having "no talent to throw to", Brain Griese's longest pass was
roughly 15 yards. They even ran a series in the second, where 3 out of 4 plays went to
the wideout on the left. Rod Smith, Chris Cole, and Rod Smith again. Scottie Montgomery
wven got involved. Crap, the Great White Savior Kevin Kasper had a catch. Griese
even found the talentless Desmond Clark in the North endzone for 6 points.
Fat Guy Chester McGlockton was able to pick of his second(!) interception of the season
to stop a Seattle drive.
Griese then
ended his spetacular first half by completing his longest pass of the night- a completion
to Marcus Robertson. Problem: Robertson plays for Seattle. D'oh!
The third qaurter started, and everyone was prepared to see another Monumental Fuck-up
with Seattle coming back. Griee then tried to duck his close personal friend, John Randle,
and smashed his head on the ground, receivng a concussion. I'm not making this up:
he left to a chorus of cheers.I just KNEW there were SOME intelligent Bronco fans out there!
I feltlike he had racked his head, especially for me. snif.
Gus Frerotte came in, and did his best Griese impersonation. The third play he ran, he
fumbled the ball and Seattle recovered deep in Denver territory. The defense held, and
Rian Lindell putted the ball wide right. Gus kept the fuck-ups to a minimum and
led the team down for Patrick Hape's one yard TD grab. To get there, the
Broncos even made me pee my pants, with a double-reverse Tecom Bowl
end around to Kevin Kasper. Along the way, Terrell Davis busted loose
for his longest run since the Clinton administration. TD finished with 109 yards, on only
19 carries.
It wasn't the best game the Broncos have played, but it was enough to beat
Seattle. I was more concerned with actually being there for the first time in two years.
With my record at 25-5, it's amazing that the Broncos haven't invited me down, more often.
Furthermore, whenever I get season tickets, they win the division..so keep that
in mind for next year's mailing list.
FINAL CUTS
Ironic thing of the day. On Monday, I had jury duty and, as it turns out, the
Araphoe County Courthouse is located right next door to the Broncos'
training complex. Coincedence, or a brilliant plan to reduce
urban commuter traffic between the two complexes?
...||...
Why the opening shot at mailmen? I was supposed to receive "Priority Mail"
from Chicago, with my tickets, on Thursday or Friday. They never arrived
before Sunday. Despit the fact that they were shipped
late Tuesday/early Wednesday. My plan is drive by my postal office and blast "Caught in a
Mosh" by ANTHRAX in front of their doors.
...||...
Just so ya know, when they started playing "Love Theme From 2001" in the fourth,
that was me yelling "woooooo"....
...||...
Really, the new stadium's just as loud as the old one. Similar dimensions. If the Broncos
were winning this year, it would not be an issue. As it is, everyone hates
the new stadium. Like the new uniforms in 1997. If the Broncos had sucked that year,
everyone would have been bellyaching for the old orange with the "D". Of course, they
won the Super Bowl that year, and the blue uniforms have been flying off the shelves
since. Someone wrote into the Post, saying: "the intimacy is gone, as cheerleaders now
shoot slingshots into the crowd". Nevermind that the slingshot thing has been going on
at Bronco games since 1996!
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Back to Broncos 2001 Index
2001 Season Archive
August 11 vs Cowboys
August 20 vs Packers
August 26 vs Saints
September 4 vs 49ers
September 10 vs Giants
September 16 vs BYE
September 23 vs Cardinals
September 30 vs Ravens
October 7 vs Chiefs
October 14 vs Seahawks
October 21 vs Chargers
October 28 vs Patriots
November 5 vs Raiders
November 11 vs Chargers
November 18 vs Redskins
November 23 vs Cowboys
December 2 vs Dolphins
December 9 vs Seahawks
December 16 vs Chiefs
December 30 vs Raiders
January 6 vs Colts
Feb 13- year end special
