SPORTS-(BRONCOS)

01/14/06
All week long, Denver fans have been subjected to Tom Brady receving a media blow job. We were told how Brady is "poised, cool, intelligent and precise under pressure". How Brady is undefeated in the playoffs and everybody better look out, becuase the Patriots and their mighty 10-6 record (including two wins over the Jets) were rolling into town with that championship swagger. Furthermore, the offense had better be on their toes, becaue the media had turned linebacker Teddy Bruschi into the second coming of Dick Butkus.

On the Patriots first offensive series, Brady's swagger, poise and all that other stuff suddenly evaporated. The Patriots were flagged for a false start and the play was blown dead a split second after the snap. Despite the whistle, the play was in motion and the Broncos were sending a blitz. John Lynch ran into Brady's area and gave him a little hug. Lynch then jogged towards the north end zone and raised his arms to spur on the fans. At that point, Brady lost his compsure. He had some words for Lynch and began mocking his antics. The kind of immature bullshit that's at home in rec league flag football. Less than four minutes into the game and the media's "cool under fire" glamour boy looked like a turd.

The Patriots, for their part, didn't roll over. The Donkey defense had kept them out of the endzone and New England was leading 3-0 as the two minute warning approached. Suddenly, the Ghost of Earnest Byner floated across the parking lot and into Invesco Field. Kevin Faulk fumbled at midfield and the Donkies were in bid-ness. They sent Ashley Lelie deep on one of their patented "throw deep and hop for an interference play". Asante Samuel bit and was flagged for a very questionable interference penalty. Next play, they deployed the Marine and send Mike Anderson into the endzone as he rumbled over the Patriots' line and through Cooper Carlisle for a 7-3 lead.

But the Ghost of Earnest Byner didn't go away easily. On the ensuing kickoff return, Ellis Hobbs fumbled, on a tackle from KICKER Todd Sauerbrun (yes, that's not a typo.. a kicker made a tackle and forced the fumble). Cecil Sapp recovered and the Broncos bidness kept on booming. Jason Elam kicked a wobbly 50-yard fieldgoal the Bronco lead was bumped to 10-3 at the half.

The defense didn't let up in the second half. Jake Plummer and the offense had been quagmired for most of the first half, but as long as the Donkies could throw their defense and Tood Sauerbrun on the field, they would control the game. Brady had been chased, hurried and thumped all game long, but he stil managed to move the Patriots down the field. They had cut the margin to 10-6, and had the ball at the Donkey 5 yard line. In a slight chnage of pace, Nick Ferguson, not Lynch, rushed from the safety spot and forced Brady to throw on the run. Brady aimed for the endzone and hit... Champ Bailey! Bailey raced 99 yards to the opposite one yard line in a play that killed any real chance the Patriots might have had. In one play, Tom Brady added his name to other Boston sports legends, like Bill Buckner.... and Champ Bailey had become the new Bucky Dent.

And yes...I'm sticking to the fact that Bailey's pick was run back for 99 yards. I still didn't see any yard marks in either endzone.

Bailey was ruled out at the 1, thanks to a touchdown saving tackle from Ben Watson. Bailey looked winded after sprinting that far. Neil Smith could relate to Bailey, while Don Beebe was proud of Watson. The play was reviewed to determine if it was a touchback. Meanwhile, Patriots "team leader" Troy Brown was in the face of Bronoc players, making a touchback motion. Or maybe Brown had just floated an air biscuit and was using his arm to fan out the stench. Either way, that's something you don't expect a veteran to do. Another team might have received a taunting penalty for such antics (by the way, whatever happened to that penalty?)

Mike Anderson was deployed once more and the Broncos led 17-6. Plummer had succesfully rebounded from an early interception and found Rod Smith for a 4 yard TD toss and a 24-6 score. The Patriots eventually got a late TD, right at the top border of "Garbage time". It made no difference as the Broncos walked off their home field with a playoff victory for the first time since Some Guy Who Sells Cars played.

Defense was the difference. They proved that "hurries" and "knockdowns" can be just as sexy as "sacks". When a "hurry" results in a huge 99 yard INT return, that's so sexy that's it's almost sheet-ripping intercourse. The Patriots put up a decent fight. They're a good team and they'll be back. But for possibly the first time since their phenomenal playoff run began, they were punched in the face and couldn't concentrate.

Now, thanks to the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Broncos will host the AFC title game next weekend in the unofficial NFL Ugly Duckling Bowl. All season long, the NFL seemed to be priming for another Indy-New England title game. Remember that "winning at Foxboro.. pricless" spot that ran during a MNF game this season? Nobody gave the Broncos and the Steelers a chance to be in the title game, much less win ONE playoff game. But the media darlings (Patriots) and the guys with the wonderful fantasy football stats (Colts) will be sitting on their couches next week, eating Cheez-its and sipping Mr. Pibb (umm... that's a disgusting combo). Meanwhile, the two best teams in the AFC will be duking it out for the chance to be Living Xtra Large.

In fact, guess who already has tickets and will be in attendance?! Some jackass who runs this crappy website just got himself some tickets. Whenever he shows up at Donkey games, they're 30-5.

FINAL CUTS
...||...Over the years, Pittsburgh's been the unofficial presenter of the AFC trophy. I mean, who else can we blame for sending Stan freakin' Humphires and the Chargers to the Super Bowl? This bodes well for the Donkies.

...||...I smell a MASSIVE conspiracy with Troy Polamomalu's interception nullifciation in the Colts-Steelers game. He had a clean pick and a fumble, yet it was reviewed and magically became an incomplete pass. Complete, utter bullshit. I think the president of CBS sports called down to the refs and said "mmmm, yeahhh...guys? We're gonna' have to make this run about...mmmm.. an extra half hour.... since we've got some more commericals lined up. So if you could just make sure the Colts still have the ball, that'd be super. Mm' kay? great".

...||...Since it beat sitting in traffic, I stopped off at the Broncos' "24 Hours 'til Kickoff" fan rally after work on Friday night. It was... kinda' lame. Think: "San Dimas High School Football RULES!" It was full of FAT women and guys waving pom-poms. Look, if you're a male, under no circumstances whatsoever are you EVER allowed to wave a pom-pom in public. I'm sure there was a "let's all give a big Bronco Cheer that can be heard all the way back in Boston!". Billy Thompson, Howard Griffith and Tyrone Braxton were on hand for some quick 5 minute "rah-rah" interviews. All the Bronco Cheerleaders were there...but I really coudn't stomach waiting 45 minutes amongst fat broads and guys with pom-poms to get Renee Herlocker and friends to scribble on a "Go Broncos" placard.

...||...The Denver Post ran a "letter from a fan" on Sunday. Some bitch from Lone Tree complained that Jake Plummer was immature, simply because he's a "role model" and he should not appear in public with long hair and a scruffy beard, that darn rapscallion. Of course, Plummer has publiclly attributed his look to Pat Tillman. The NFL won't let Plummer wear a sticker on his helmet, but there's no rule about going with the Tillman hairdo and beard. It's out of respect and remembrance for a departed friend and inspiration. That's not immature at all.

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2005 Season Archive
August 20 vs 49ers
August 27 vs Colts
September 02 vs Cardinals
September 11 vs Dolphins
September 18 vs Chargers
September 26 vs Chiefs
October 2 vs Jaguars
October 9 vs Redskins October 16 vs Patriots
October 23 vs Giants
October 30 vs Eagles
November 6 vs Bye Week
November 13 vs Raiders
November 20 vs Jets
November 24 vs Cowboys
December 4 vs Chiefs December 11 vs Ravens
December 17 vs Bills
December 24 vs Raiders
December 31 vs Chargers
January 10 vs Bye Week
January 14 vs Patriots
January 22 vs Steelers
YEAR-END AWARDS
2006 NFL Draft Recap