SPORTS-(BRONCOS)
10/09/05 Vs. Washington Redskins (W 21-19)
I sat down tonight to write my usual weekly Donkies and Renee Herlocker recap tonight
and wrote the funniest, yet most insightful column I had ever typed out. It had everything
you want in a decent sports column: relevant humor, interesting observations,
biting sarcasm, in-depth coverage, player quotes and pictures of Renee Herlocker.
However, as soon as I tried to publish it to my crappy website, a yellow penalty flag
came flying into my office. The column I had just typed was nullified by an
NFL referee and was forever lost.
The exact same thing happened to both the Redskins and the Broncos on Sunday.
Several times during the game, each team made what appeared to be an amazing, game-shifting play.
Santana Moss caught a long touchdown pass from Mark Brunnell! The Redskins
sacked Jake Plummer for a safety! Gerard Warren had a game-winning sack on
4th down! Sounds like a fairly exciting game, right? Only those things didn't happen.
They were all figments of the imagination and never really happened. Each play was
overruled or nulified by an NFL official. Each play was questionable. Each play
wasn't determined by an athlete who had spent all week game planning, practicing, working
out and running sprints. Each play was determined by a late 40's nearsighted dickhead garbed
in stripes who spent his week adjusting insurance claims, delivering for UPS,
or selling office supplies. Nobody is sure exactly WHAT the Road to Super Bowl XL is
paved with, but one thing is for certain. There's alot of fucking STRIPES
on it.
Aside from the referee incidents, this week was a special
occassion for the Broncos. Not only was it the Annual
Alumni Weekend, it was also time for the Annual Inclement Weather
Collapse. In fact, the last time the Broncos faced the Redskins,
it was the same occassion. The Denver defense apparently thought that the game was cancelled
due to the weather. The aggressive, dominating crew of the past three weeks ws nowhere
to be found, as this week's defense did their best to commemorate
another event from Denver history-- the Jan 3 , 1997
playoof loss to Jacksonville. Mark Brunell was amazingly accurate and had free
reign of the field. Only a few dropped pases and the obligatory penalties
kept the Jag..err, the Redskins from walking out of Denver with a win.
This year, as the franchise honored Steve Atwater at halftime,
they made him proud by avoiding the Annual Inclement Weather Collapse.
With 40 degree temperatures, wind and a constant downpour,
the weather was so bad that it forced the reluctant Mike Shanahan to
wear a hat for once. Over on the sidelines, Renee Herlocker and
her supporting cast members were forced to don full length
parkas and hat. Nothing for the trolls to TiVo this weekend.
The Broncos also had another annual event-- the Annual Punt Block.
It doesn't matter if it's Micah Knorr or Tood Sauerbrun back there. Denver must have
a suspect punt team, because every year they have at least one punt blocked. They made up for
the blocked punt by blocking a field goal, shortly after. Actually, that more
than makes up for the blocked punt, since it involves the elimination of
points. I don't need "experts" like Cris Collinsworth to know that
reducing your opponents' scoring ooutput is a good thing.
In the end...or with about 1:15 left, the game came down to a 2-point conversion.
Linebacker Ian Gold was able to tip a pass and the Broncos escaped. Of the few fans who
were left in the rain, a good portion
withheld their cheers until they made certain that the play was in fact, official, and
NFL Referee Approved. With the way football stats are tracked, I will not be surprised
if, in 10 years, a new asterisk is added to all plays. It would say:
"* NFL Official Approved". All other plays, stats or wins are subject to
review, overturn or nulification until they receive the certification of
that asterisk.
It is now roughly 6 hours since the Broncos won... I'd better check to see if the
win has been overturned.
FINAL CUTS
...||...FOX's Bill Maas covered the TV side of the game and did a good job, I thought.
He made a few insighful observations, such as Brunell's lakc of production
to his right side. He also slipped in an Arthur Fonzarella reference. Mass's performance
wasn't Emmy worthy or anything, but after listening to CBS for most of the Bronco games, it
was a nice break.
...||... FOX's sideline reporter was local worthless sportshack
David (BONK! BONK! BONK!) Treadwell. (See: the 1991 AFC Championship game).
...||... During Steve Atwater's halftime Ring of Fame ceremony, Dennis Smith was
on hand. No truth to the rumor that Dennis was in line to shake Atwater's hand, then
went flying past him at Mach 3 and missed the tackle, err, handshake.
...||... To answer an FAQ: no, the Ring of Fame ceremony is NOT an annual event.
Sometimes they have done an induction in subsequent years, but it was just coincedence
and not an annual tradition. The Bronocs have ALWAYS done it at their discretion.
If they skip a year, there is
no neglect or conspiracy.
...||... That said, let's get Simon Fletcher up there. If real estate on the
stadium's actual Ring is an issue, I say get rid of Jim Turner, Paul Thompson or
Rich Jackson. Turner, especially. No franchise should ever have a kicker
among their "Ring of Fame" or retired numbers.
...||...
It's no secret that Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells is loyal to his former
players and likes to bring them to his new team. This year's examples
is Drew Bledose reuniting with Parcells in Dallas. You know it's
only a matter of time before Matt Bahr receives an offer to kick extra points
for the Cowboys.
Comment about this article. Contact The Asshole Who Wrote This!
Back to Broncos 2005 Index
2005 Season Archive
August 20 vs 49ers
August 27 vs Colts
September 02 vs Cardinals
September 11 vs Dolphins
September 18 vs Chargers
September 26 vs Chiefs
October 2 vs Jaguars
October 9 vs Redskins
October 16 vs Patriots
October 23 vs Giants
October 30 vs Eagles
November 6 vs Bye Week
November 13 vs Raiders
November 20 vs Jets
November 24 vs Cowboys
December 4 vs Chiefs
December 11 vs Ravens
December 17 vs Bills
December 24 vs Raiders
December 31 vs Chargers
January 10 vs Bye Week
January 14 vs Patriots
January 22 vs Steelers
YEAR-END AWARDS
2006 NFL Draft Recap
