SPORTS-(BRONCOS)

12/11/05 vs. Baltimore Ravens(W 12-10)
Late season playoff-drive NFL action has arrived!! Just not in Denver, this week. While every other NFL game was watchable (well, every other game NOT involving the Buffalo Bills), the Donkies and Ravens engaged in a stinker. It was a throwback to some of the fabled NFL games of yesteryear...fabled as in: "is it possible a game could bore, suck and infuriate-- all at the same time?! Do they really have games like that, grandpa?". Come lads...gather round, as I sit in my rocker and tell ye the fabled story of December 11, 2005. Of a time when two shitty teams wasted almost 3 hours of my life.

Aye, lad..there was Mike Anderson, Tatum Bell and Rony Dayne all rushing for about 2 yards a carry. My old Runningback Rule of Physics came into play: the average NFL RB is about 6 feet, so basically they just fell forward all day. Although Bell did break off an 18 yard gallop in the second half. The game was supposed to be a "welcome home" party for "the House", Dwayne Carswell, who was on the sideline for the first time since his auto accident. But the House Party was not in effect. Instead we were treated to a slow, worthless game with little drama- kinda' like the "House Party" movies.

What action did occur was delivered courtesy of the Ravens' Boller Debry. While the Ravens defense seemed to time travel to 2000, their quarterback Kyle Boller did a tremendous job of handing the game to the Donkies. He found wide receiver Mark Clayton (where was Mark Duper?) for about 107 yards, but also worked the field, finding a wide open Nick Ferguson and Champ Bailey for some INT's. He also distributted the ball some more, as he made a Bocce' move and rolled a fumble towards Donkies d-lineman Demetrin Veal (yes, that might be the only time Demetrin Veal gets mentioned). The Veal fumble recovery made up for a Ron Dayne fumble that had occurred exactly one play earlier.

Fullback Kyle Johnson scored the lone Donkey TD, on a pass from Jake Plummer. Jason Elam missed the extra point, and by the fourth quarter the lead was only 12-3. The Boller Derby hooked up on a TD pass to Clayton and it suddenly looked like Elam's miss would come back to haunt, with the score at 12-10.

Instead of the usual onside kick, the Ravens whipped up a little trickery and kicked it deep. The Ravens had to hold Denver to 3 and out, but Ashley Lelie picked up a first down on a third down end-around play, allowing the Donkies to run out the clock.

Good news: the game was over. Even better news: the Chargers and Chefs both lost. Just as he did five years ago, Gus Frerotte helped the Donkies' playoff chances. This time he quarterbacked the Dolphins to a 23-20 win over the Chargers. All 12 loyal Charger fans were disappointed. Meanwhile back at the ranch in Dallas, the Chefs missed a game tying field goal on their game's last play. I could hear the Chefs Annoying Radio Dick saying "Missed field goal!! Kan-zasss City!!"

But at least KC fans have some solace in knowing that there's an available hot-ass female with a fresh million bucks waltzing around their city. Danni, the boney chic, won the million dollar prize on "Survivor" last night. Yeah, she was the chic who walked around in a Chiefs cowboy hat throughout the game. She looks extremely bang-able when she's not starving. Not only is she single and my age, but she recognized Gary Hogeboom. I consider myself a fairly knowledgeable football fan and there is no way in hell I could recognize Gary freakin' Hogeboom. That's like spotting Kelly Stouffer on the street. Also, her "video from home" included messages from her two dogs. Damn..hot chic who lives alone with her two dogs and watches football! Hmm...it's a straight line on I-70 from Denver to KC....

So, back to football. Unless I'm miscalculating, I believe Denevr can clinch their division this weekend with a win in Buffalo. If they improve to 11-3 by beating the Bills, the worst they could finish would be 11-5. Right now, the best the Chargers and Chiefs can hope for is to finish 11-5. In baseball talk, "the magic number is 1". It would be the first Donkey Divsion Title since 1998. Then all that's left to play for is to ensure the #2 AFC seed. IF they can clinch the #2 spot in two weeks, then it might possibly open up game 16 as another Bradlee Van Pelt Bowl. Stick around for that.

In the meantime, I'll be puffing on my pipe, sitting in my rocker and thinking of Danni...

FINAL CUTS
...||... Help me out and use the term "Saucer" to describe all these Shitty Bowl Games. Remember: what's not as deep or as big as a Bowl? A Saucer. The Poinsettia Saucer. The Music City Saucer. The Hawaii Saucer. The Continental Tire Saucer. The term/joke has proved fairly popular in REAL WORLD CONVERSATION, so help me spread the word and we'll get some TV jackass to use the phrase, someday.

...||...The Houston Texans have Dan Reeves as a "special consultant"? I just hope someone can interview him soon. I haven't heard his pronunciation of the words "aht-standin" (outstanding) and "turr-men-dust" (tremendous) in awhile.

...||...I understand that Kerry Collins is being benched in Oakland. But, I hope he makes it back up the depth chart in time for the Christmas Eve game against the Donkies. Otherwise, it's really going to suck having to type "Marques Tuiasosopo".

...||...Upon his release from Denver, All-Chest Thumping Team member Lenny Walls failed his physical out in Oakland. I was not surprised in the least to hear Walls heading out there. In fact, I predicted it months ago (okay, so I forgot to write about it on HERE...that's cuz' I hate mentioning the guy). He'd fit right in with the Lester Hayes Legacy out in Oak-town.

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Back to Broncos 2005 Index

2005 Season Archive
August 20 vs 49ers
August 27 vs Colts
September 02 vs Cardinals
September 11 vs Dolphins
September 18 vs Chargers
September 26 vs Chiefs
October 2 vs Jaguars
October 9 vs Redskins October 16 vs Patriots
October 23 vs Giants
October 30 vs Eagles
November 6 vs Bye Week
November 13 vs Raiders
November 20 vs Jets
November 24 vs Cowboys
December 4 vs Chiefs December 11 vs Ravens
December 17 vs Bills
December 24 vs Raiders
December 31 vs Chargers
January 10 vs Bye Week
January 14 vs Patriots
January 22 vs Steelers
YEAR-END AWARDS
2006 NFL Draft Recap