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Vs. St. Louis Rams (L 10-18) For the first half, a whopping total of four plays were run on the Rams side of the field. Due to poor field position and two fumbles, the Rams were given a short field for the entire first half. With the indoor domed atmosphere, it was more like Arena Football, the self-styled "fifty yard indoor war". Of course, if this had been Arena Football, every change of posession or stop-in-play would have featured on-field appearances by Little Caesar, the local car dealership, or cheerleaders shooting t-shirt bazookas into the crowd. For what it's worth, it should be noted that the Broncos defense did their part to stop the bleeding. Even with the short field, they managed to keep the Rams out of the endzone and forced them to settle for field goals. Then silver lining was: it could have been 28-0 in the second quarter. Now, if only the defense could snap the ball... The Rams themselves, despite only kicking field goals, apparently found alot to celebrate. After every play or more than 10 yards, each player would dance a little jig. It was so bad that, after a non-call on a pass interference play, two Rams defensive backs ran over to one another and did a little forearm shuffle n' bounce. This must be contagious in the state of Missouri, as the Chiefs are well-known for celebrating each successful flush of their locker room shitter. If the Chiefs ever play the Rams, somebody betta' call da' fire department-- cuz' they's gonna' dance all night and burn da' place to da' ground! Ow! Jump back, kiss myself! But back to the things that sort'a matter... the great runingback experiment of 2006 continued. Mike Bell and Tatum Bell -- hereafter known as the Ding Dongs-- shuffled in and out. Mike had about 50 yards and tried to throw a block on Leonard Little. It was the greatest backfield block since Glyn Milburn tried to block Reggie White. Mike Bell was easily pushed aside with a simple shove from Little. Little then scheduled a conference with quarterback Jake Plummer. Mike kinda'/sort'a redemmed himself with an aerial leap into the endzone for the only Donkey touchdown of the afternoon. It capped off a drive that featured the Broncos going for it on 4th and sort on their own 30. Gutsy, and it shaked the team out of its funk..for about 10 minutes. The other half of the Ding Dongs ran up 103 yards. But, he also fumbled and turned the ball over. It's well documented that the Broncos can put up rushing numbers with any back. The corpse of Red Grange could easily net 100 yards. However, what makes the offesne click is the variety and play mixture. While Tatum Bell was the leading rusher, he was also the Broncos' leading receiver, with 4 catches for 30 yards. Javon Walker and Rod Smith each had 3 grabs for about 30 yards a piece, but that demonstrates how discombobulated the offense was. The Donkies had a chance to rally and possibly go ahead with about 9 minutes left. The Rams were stuffed up in front of their endzone and had to punt. The punt block was on and Patrick Chukwurah crashed into punter Matt Turk. Nevermind that Chukwurah was actually in the air as the punt was launched. It was scored as the diabolical Roughing the Punter penalty and the Rams had a first down. My rule of thumb is, if a guy is in the air as the ball in kicked and he hits the punter, then it's the cheesy Running Into the Kicker. If he's on the ground, the punt in launched, and he continues to launch himself and plow into the kicker, then it's Roughing the Kicker. But what the hell do I know? I don't work at Subway all week and spend my Sundays as an NFL referee. Make no mistake about it though, this game was not lost on a penalty. It was lost because the offense was inept. After the game, Rod Smith said that it was "the worst offensive performance since I've been here". Nice of him to classify that. Of course, he probably forgot the October 2001 game against Baltimore, or most of the 2001 and 2002 seasons, yet I'll forgive him. Smith also apologized to the defense and said the guiltt was all on the offense. Safety Nick Ferguson was more optimistic, as he said the loss would be immediately forgotten and that everyone would be back at work on Monday for the Chiefs game. Exactly five years after a Horrific Tragedy (Ed McCaffrey breaking his leg on 9/10/01), the Broncos served up another one. Akin to last year's Miami fuck-up, it's not time to sell your real estate in "Broncos Country" or increase your Prozac. That'll come when/if the team hits 1-3 or 0-4. At that point, Jay Cutler's strict workout regiment of Clipboard Curls will come to an end.
FINAL CUTS ...||...So it's not "Sunday Night Football", it's "Football Night in America". I hope the NHL doesn't sue for copyright infringement. ...||...I forgot to use this Shitty Joke when I covered the Titans game: Tennessee cornerback Pacman Jones has a little brother. Name of Q-bert Jones. Hey, is Pacman Jones married? Heck, if there is a future Ms. Pacman, they need to play the music from "Act 1: They Meet" or "Act 2: the Chase" at their wedding reception. YOUR Ashley Lelie Update: 1 catch, 5 yards. Good luck with that "#1 Receiver Spot", Ashley. ...||...The Week One "my boy" award: DE Ebenezer Ekuban. Comment about this article. Contact The Asshole Who Wrote This!
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