 |
 |
 |
|
|
Vs. Baltimore Ravens (W 13-3) Tatum Bell fumbled and Jake Plummer found a wide-open Chris McAllister. The Ravens had excellent field position and looked to be in position to runaway with the game. Fortunately, Denver now has a defense. Led by Al Wilson's 12 tackles, they held the Ravens to a solitary field goal and were downright EVIL. Maybe it was the rain-darkened blue uniforms that made them seem so menacing. The Donkies simply brutalized Steve McNair and the formerly undfeated Ravens like they were Ronnie Dobbs. Ebenezer Ekuban and Michael Myers each had a sack, while Champ Bailey, Darrent Williams and Domonique Foxworth each had significant interceptions. They weren't garbage picks, as each came at a crucial period. The Ravens were driving for a go-ahead touchdown late in the second quarter when Champ Bailey got position on Clarence Moore and made an interception in the endzone. Turned out, that was Steve McNair's sole endzone connection of the night. In the fourth quarter, with the Broncos leading 6-3, Darrent Williams picked off McNair on a 3rd down play. 8 plays later, Jake Plummer found Rod Smith for the game-clinching touchdown pass. With less than a minute left, DT Gerard Warren dropped back into coverage and tipped a ball that was snagged by Domonique Foxworth. The TD pass to Smith was especially significant. The Broncos could have ground it out and probably would have settled for another fieldgoal. But Mike Shanahan said "fuck it, let's end this thing" and went for the aggressive pass to Rod Smith. The only people allowed to score TD's in Denver are Donkey players. In two home games, that was the only TD scored. Additionally, in four games the Broncos have allowed one TD. It typically takes four games to get a feel for a team, but this seems to be the identity of YOUR 2006 Denver Broncos. Play ugly defensive-minded football and wear the other guys down. For the second game in a row, Tatum Bell not only scampered, but drove down the field. He finally looks to have the strength that he supposedly lacked. Ding Dong #2 (Mike Bell) came in for a few plays, but appears to be the practice squad decoy scrub he should have been. The Broncos won't put up obscene video game numbers, with dual 100 yard receivers or a 300 yard passing game. The days of a 38-14 blowout would appear to be in the past. Those numbers might piss off fantasy football jerks, but 3-1 is much more significant. While the game was hideous at times, it wasn't as bad as the ESPN coverage of the game. Everything I've already said about these three clowns rang true. Mike Tirico announced Masterpiece Theatre, Joe Theezman babbled and Tony Kornheiser was simply BAD TELEVISION. Is this guy supposed to be ingsightful or funny?! I'm really baffled how this man-cunt rose to national stardom. Maybe it's an ESPN gimmick, but the jackass actually ROOTED FOR HIS FANTASY FOOTBALL TEAM on Monday Night Football. I was suddenly nostalgic for the confrontational Al Michaels and Boomer Esiason days. He kept repeating his hyperbolic statements like "Brian Billick is the most fortunate coach in the NFL" or "being the Denver Broncos quarterback is the toughest job in Colorado". Really, you don't need such "most" or "toughest" qualifiers to make your point. It makes you sound like real-world version of the Simpsons' Comic Book Guy. It's like me saying "that was the greatest 8 yard fade route in NFL history!!". I mean, I'll make jokes about shit like that (saying Bubby Brister ran the greatest 68 yard bootleg in history)...but I don't go on TV and say these things like I've seriously pondered it. In another ESPN gimmick leftover from the ABC days, some clown from "Desperate Housewives" was in the booth for a three sentence interview. Kornheiser, being Captain Entertainment, jumped on it by saying "can you rank all the hot women on that show?!" Genital fungus is more entertaining.
Yeah, it infuriates me that MY team has just brutalized another on national TV and I'm sour because of the shitty broadcasting treatment. Oh yeah, a memo to Mike Tirico: it's the BuckHORN Exchange. Not "BuckHEAD". Even with all the changes in Monday Night Football production over the past 8 years, I haven't been offended to the point where I was thinking "fuck, turn these guys OFF already". So way to go, ESPN... I can no longer watch MNF with audio. I strongly recommend ESPN dig up Buffalo Bob, Howdy Doody and Clarabell for their new announce booth. Buffalo Bob (even if he's a corpse nowadays) would definitely fill the shoes of the rambling Joe Theezman. Howdy Doody, the wooden inanimate object, would be an upgrade over Mike Tirico. Clarabell wouldn't be funny.. but at least he could honk his horn once an hour to make me chuckle. But let's talk about football, mm'kay? After stuffing the loss down the Ravens' throats, the Broncos have their old pals, the Raiders, in town next week. Could get ugly... the Broncos might threaten to break the 20 point barrier!
FINAL CUTS ...||...The Rocky Mountain News is sponsoring some contest where you can watch an away game with Bronco Cheerleaders at some bar. Umm... that's appealing to some people? Sitting around with 32 airheads saying "Go Broncos"? I'll bet you'd get free pom-poms. Which you could wear under your hat. ...||...Is that the third Manning brother on CBS's "Jericho"? The mayor's other son. Poop, does that show suck. ...||...The Week Five "my boy" award: DT Gerard Warren. Not only did he deflect a pass, but he deserves it after suffering through the indignity of being called "GERALD Warren" for three quarters by ESPN's idiotic Mike Tirico. Comment about this article. Contact The Asshole Who Wrote This!
Back to Broncos Index |
|||
| contact | |||
Kornheiser supposedly has a big internet presence. So, I hope he gets this message: you're a fucking horrible announcer.
You're not funny. You're not witty. You sure as hell aren't entertaining. You couldn't even announce
a dog show. In fact, Fred Willard's clueless character from "Best in Show" would be an improvement.
Here's something you might understand: "Tony Kornheiser is the most fortunate douchebag in American television history"!