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Vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (W 31-20) ------------------------------------------------- At 7:11 pm EST, Pittsburgh Steelers 2006 Season was officially announced as dead. At this time, the cause of death is believed to be turnovers or overconfidence. Foul play has not been ruled out, as returner Santonio Holmes and quarterback Ben Roethlisberger have been identified as "persons of interest" by the Allegheny County Police. Pittsburgh Steelers 2006 Season was two months old. Funeral services were held immediately, with pastor Javon Walker presiding. In leiu of flowers, the family of Pittsburgh Steelers 2006 Season is asking that donations be made to the 2005 Season Memorial Fund. Established in February 2006, the 2005 Season Memorial Fund is heavily involved in creating bobbleheads, Iron City beer cans and commemorative t-shirts for the upcoming 10th anniversary of the 2005 Season, in 2015. -------------------------------------------------- Almost 9 months after the Steelers ended the Broncos' season, the favor was returned. The Broncos, behind Javon Walker, Jake Plummer and Champ Bailey rolled into Heinz Field and put an end to the Steelers 2006 playoff hopes. The Steelers looked nothing like the team that won Super Bowl XL, or even the team they were last October. Since the Steelers finally achieved their "one for the thumb", they have promptly proceeded to stick that thumb up their ass. Call it Super Bowl Hangover, call it six months of verbal blow-jobs from the media, call it a lame duck coach, but you can now call them "deceased". When a team has to chuck the ball 50 times and loses at home, its time to apply a toe-tag. It's not like the Steelers gave this game away. The Broncos established a tone early, when Plummer found Javon Walker for 38 yards. A few plays later, Rod Smith made a finger-tip grab in the back of the endzone for a quick lead. On the ensuing kick-off, Santonio Holmes fumbled the ball away, gving the Broncos an immediate second red-zone possession. Javon Walker bobbled a pass in the endzone, but he went right back the to huddle and convinced the team to go his way again. The very next down, the Broncos ran the same exact play. This time, Walker made the grab and the score was 14-0. For the day, Mike "Backpedalling Ding Dong" Bell was stuffed. The Broncos were comfortable going up top and moved the ball failry well. Pittsburgh also went high, as Roethlisberger consistently found his guys open in the Donkey secondary. On one play, safety Nick Ferguson was knocked senseless by Hines Ward. Ferguson was helped off the field by trainers, but soon returned. I don't belive Ferguson was supposed to return, however. Diagonsed with a mild concussion, Ferguson simply believed that he was Batman and was out on the field trying to thwart the Riddler's latest scheme. Comissioner Gordon, aka trainer Steve Antonopoulos, finally convinced the DarkKnight Defensive Back to return to the Bat-cave, aka the locker room. Thanks to a sick scramble and improvisation by Roethlisberger, Willie Parker caught a TD pass and it looked the Bronocs might be fading. At halftime, the Steelers had cut the lead to 14-10. Yet, on the first series of the second half, the Broncos again went for the jugular with Javon Walker. This time, Walker grabbed an end-around, cut into the middle of the field and sprinted 72 yards for another touchdown. Walker scored again in the fourth quarter, on a 10 yard arc from Plummer. Forget Terrell Owens, Steve Smith and Chad Johnson-- Walker is now one of the bestwide receivers in the league, if not THE best. He even did a goofy post-TD dance after #3. Walker just needs to start acting like a selfish putz and name himself "J-Walk" or something. That may prove to be a difficult, nigh-impossible task. After the game, Walker was being interviewed in the lockerroom and asked to name his "favorite play". Walker said that his favorite play was a long grab by rookie Brandon Marshall-- a play that was called back by a penatly. When Walker had the chance to toot his own horn after an incredible game, he dodged the adulation and instead took the opportunity to praise a rookie. The guy's been everything as advertised and more. Walker's defensive counterpart, Champ Bailey, once again came up with clutch redzone interceptions. Sure, you could say "oh, but they were Roethlisberger interceptions. Even the Raiders have some of those". But Bailey's picks killed Steeler momentum. After recovering six turnovers, you could call the Denver defense "The Steal Curtain" (groooooan). If you squinted really hard, it appeared that the Steelers had their chances to win the game. The Broncos clearly had Roethlisberger sacked in the endzone for a safety, but the Subway Employees (aka the NFL Referees) decided that it was simply a sack at the one. A late play involving De'Shea Townsend was originally called a Jake Plummer interception, but luckily instant replay proved otherwise. A final despertion dive by Hines Ward was intitially signalled as a touchdown, but proved to be a fumble recovery by the Broncos. Yup..it's midseason and the Subway Employees are out in force to mess with NFL games! The annual Bernie Kukar Visit should be here soon. When the game ended, the Steelers had notched 403 net passing yards. Those numbers might seem scary on paper, but they were a result of the Steelers having to play "catch-up" all day. More important, those 403 yards netted 20 points, 6 turnovers and an "L". In this case, the statistics were about as relevant as a can of Old Frothingslosh. With a 6-2 record and still holding the fist place slot in the AFC West, the heat isn't off the Broncos yet. Starting next week, three consecutive division games will mold the season. Come out of those with a 2-1 mark and the talk of playoff positioning can begin.
FINAL CUTS ...||...The Week Seven "my boy" award: LB Al Wilson. Ask Willie Parker why. ...||...Hey! It's the return of the NFL's Triple A Game of the Week (if the NFL had a Triple A): San Francisco 9. Minnesota 3. ...||...John Mellencamp long ago earned himself an Eternal Cock-Punch for "Jack & Diane", but the constant airing of his Chevrolet "This Is Our Country" commercial may earn him another. It's not necessarily a bad song (well, if you LIKE John Mellencamp, that is) and it's not offensive, but it must have aired 31 times on Sunday. No exaggeration. Comment about this article. Contact The Asshole Who Wrote This!
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