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Vs. San Diego Chargers (L 20-48) After a 48-20 shellacking from the Chargers, the Donkeys now have to win their final three games and hope Jacksonville, Cincinnati, Kansas City and every other team without an AFC Divisional lead can go 0-3. That's their only chance at the playoffs, now. It's similar to basing your retirement account solely on the chance that you might win the grand prize in McDonalds' Monopoly. Sunday's game was arguably the high water mark for the Chargers franchise. They clinched the AFC West title at home, while trouncing a divisional opponent and getting LaDanian Tomlinson into the record books. Tomlinson now has the NFL single season record with 29 touchdowns. If he played Denver every week, he'd have 48 touchdowns. After reaching the mark in the fourth quarter, Tomlinson was lofted into the air by this teammates, as if his name was Rudy Ruettiger. Things were so easy for the Chargers that they were allowed to score on a "fumble-rooski" play. QB Phillip Rivers deliberately placed the ball on the ground for FB Lorenzo Neal to recover it and run in for a touchdown. If I'm the Arizona Cardinals, next week's Broncos opponent, I'm practicing the ol' Swinging Gate play this week. Over on the Donkey defense, Darent Williams was busy setting his own record. After allowing another 52 catches and 421 yards to nondescript receivers, Williams has perfected some new moves. He now has the "Dang! I shoulda' had that" hop n' jump. He has the "muthafucka! He caught that!" fist-pump. Also the "crap! That was my man" arm swing of desperation and the "shit! I shoulda' called a fair catch" bounce. Add these to the previously seen "Fuck! I missed him" helmet slap and the "C'mon!! Where's the interference?!" chinstrap unbuckle and jig. The guy's got alot of moves and simply has Too Much Talent. The "Dancing With the Stars" legacy of Emmitt Smith and Jerry Rice is in jeopardy. However, the Broncos would like to tell you that they played well in the third quarter. Jay Cutler had two touchdown passes to Tony Scheffler. On the second, Scheffler crapped his pants in glee and ran into the Chargers endzone banner. The score at that point was 20-28 and Scheffler celebrated like he had just finished the game. Apparently, the Bronco offense felt the same way, as they were blanked the rest of the game. Cutler looked substantially better than he did last week, although he still had trouble receiving the snap under Tom Nalen's cheeks. He also still doesn't have a chin. Mike Shanahan insists that the goal for this season is to "win a Super Bowl" and that Cutler gives the team an improved chance to do that. Did he mean the NFL's Super Bowl, or the Punt Pass n' Kick Super Bowl? TECMO Super Bowl? I'm just saying...but the last time the Donkeys had a four-game losing streak, the team was split over a QB change. Proves that Jake Plummer wasn't the problem and was just a conveinent scapegoat. It's not unreasonable for the Cardinals to jump up and devour the Donkeys next week. Yet keep in mind that the Broncos ARE 1-0 all-time on retractable turf!
FINAL CUTS ...||...Chargers look like the best team in the AFC right now. But, Marty Lombardi is at the helm and you know some brainless play-calling will surface in the playoffs. San Diego fans (all 12 of you), ask Louie Aguiar and the '97 Chiefs what I mean. ...||...Since I don't believe Charger fans exist, I'm going to mention a few words that they'll care about (and generate some cheap website traffic): Charger Girls. Charger Girl Ashley. Charger Girl Summer. Charger Girl Robin. Charger Girl Casie. I need some stupid cheerleader referrals to challenge "Hulk Hogan Pants" at the top spot. ...||...Those predominantly red New York Giants alternate home uniforms? They make the team look like they're wearing long undewear. Sorta' like Blackjack Mulligan, circa 1987..or the cook in any old timey western movie. Comment about this article. Contact The Asshole Who Wrote This!
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