SPORTS-(BRONCOS)

San Francisco 49ers(W 17-13)
After a trip to San Diego, watching lots of baseball and enjoying the summer, I'd forgotten all about the Fucking Donkeys. Sure, I hadn't forgotten that they fell flat against these same 49ers on New Years' Eve, but essentially I had forgotten all about them. I wasn't worried about Rod Smith's hip or Sam Adams' appettite. But last week, when I cracked open the morning paper and saw coverage of the Broncos' training camp, the first thought that popped into my mind was : "Oh no, not these dicks, again". Another year, another batch of "talent" and another bold prediction of finishing at 8-8.

Actually, things appear to have improved for the Donkeys. Namely, Travis Henry, a powerful runningback with a natural fit for the Broncos' zone blocking scheme is entrenched as the #1 back. A year ago, the Broncos lined up two Ding Dongs at runningback and their committee approach didn't deliver the results expected. They farted around with their depth chart, naming Mike Bell as their starter and trying to motivate Tatum Bell. They then let their best back walk to Gary Kubiak, down in Houston. This offseason they admitted the mistakes and went out to get Travis Henry. While Henry isn't ready for the Ring of Fame or even the Shane Company Player of the Game, he was a notable highlight in this first preseason "game".

But as I turned on the game tonight, I saw it was on ESPN. My first thought was: "oh no, not THESE dicks again". Yup, yup, fire up the laugh tracks folks and get yourself plenty of oxygen!! Cuz' you will laugh yourself silly with the wonderful hysterics of Tony "I am a stupid cocksucking assinine ignorant dumbfucking douchebag" Kornholer. Plus, your pals in the booth, Ron "I still suck as much as commentator as I did as a QB" Jaworski and Some Oreo.

Wouldn't it be great if there was an entire cable channel dedicated to sports. That way, fuck-ups like the ESPN trio could have someplace to babble. They would the have an outlet to discuss Michael Vick, Pacman Jones, TNA Wrestling, Barry Bonds, Kornholer's favorite bald guys and anything else not related to this game.

It'd be even better if this hypothectical cable channel could be on 24 hours a day! Or, it could have two entire channels covering sports! Then another channel of nothing but straight news! Crazy idea, I says... crazy!! Surely they could use one of those channels to air this mindless crap that's trying to disguise itself as "football commentary".

Unless there had been another earthquake in San Francisco, the ESPN Dicks would've kept on with their pre-scripted bullshit of their "takes" on all things NFL. Screw Elvis Dumervil, Shaun Hill or anyone else trying to make a team-- it's time for Comedy!!! Hell, screw the down and distance! Such a wonderful season lies ahead!

Needless to say, "MUTE" was set sometime in the second quarter and the rest of the game audio was delivered via radio by KOA. A completely different world, as I suddenly knew who caught or carried each ball. Only mild issue I had with the KOA team was when they mentioned Mike Bell was "wearing #30, a number familiar to all Denver fans". I thought: "right on! Steve Sewell!"

Also notable, former Playoff Kick Coverage Fumble Recovery Specialist, Todd Sauerbrun made his return to the Donkeys. He got off one or two good punts and also got in on a tackle. Notable Donkey debuts included Patrick Ramsey, Teyo Johnson, Troy Fleming and Darrell Hackney. Ramsey's night was notable for looking like a third-string QB and tossing an interception. Johnson's for good special teams play. Fleming for catching a short TD pass out of the backfield. Hackney for officially becoming the fattest QB in Denver history (he's about 6 foot, 250 lbs and looks to be a big fan of Milk Duds).

The "game" came down to a 4th and goal inside the Donkeys' 5 yard line. You could embellish it and call it a "goal line stand" by the third sting defense. Or you could be realistic and call it a "goal line fall-down" by the 49ers' offense. Either one has the same result and both involve some luck.

The win had absolutely no consequences, but the Donkeys' Film Department has acquired some decent "live" footage. Most importantly, however, was that no glaring problems or weaknesses seemed to pop out. The 49ers moved the ball a little too easily through the air, but traditionally Champ Bailey doesn't start to really play until September. The lack of a real #2 receiver might scare some, but I'd be satisifed with running Javon Walker and three tight-ends in every set---Nate Jackson, Daniel Graham and (assuming he's full-speed by September) Tony Scheffler.

September, as it alwasy does this time of year, looks promising. As long as the games aren't on ESPN.

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2007 Season Archive
August 13 vs 49ers
August 18 vs Cowboys
August 25 vs. Browns
August 30 vs. Cardinals
September 9 vs. Bills
September 16 vs.Raiders September 23 vs Jaguars
September 30 vs Colts
October 7 vs Chargers
October 21 vs Steelers
October 29 vs Packers
November 4 vs Lions
November 11 vs Chiefs
November 19 vs Titans
November 25 vs Bears
December 2 vs Raiders
December 9 vs Chiefs