Transcript from the NFL's Psychiatric Department:

To: NFL Personnel at-large
Patient: 2008 Denver Broncos
Date: November 30, 2008
Location: East Rutherford, New Jersey
Physician of Record: Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz

Summary: Concerning the patient "2008 Denver Broncos", we have observed some very disturbing behavior, as of recent. Subject has shown distinct physical, emotional and psychological symptoms of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), or what is commonly known as "split personality disorder". Continued examination and evaluation of the patient has shown several traits and it the professional opinion of this doctor that medication be prescribed, then heavily monitored, for this particular patient.

Patient has also shown signs of the disorder eicophobia, commonly referred to as "fear of home and familiar surroundings". This phobia may have led, in some small way to the DID. Or, the DID may have led to the eciophobia. Evidence is misleading and/or confusing at this point. Further strengthening the recommendation of prescription medication and continude monitoring.

Attached is the transcript of the last session conducted with the subject on Monday, December 1, 2008.

---Transcript begins----

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Welcome, Mr. 2008 Denver Broncos. Have a seat on the couch. This is your time. May I call you "Denver"?
Physician's note: physically, subject appears startled with shifty eyes and mild sweat.

2008 Denver Broncos: "Sure. Sure... "

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Now then, Denver.. it says here that you have been having some "problems". Would you care to elaborate?

2008 Denver Broncos: "Umm..heh..I..uh..I've got too much talent!"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Denver, not to deface your vanity, but we both now that is not the current problem or the reason you were sent here."

2008 Denver Broncos: "Yeah, y'know...you're right"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Could you, perhaps, tell me about this recent duality of sucking at home and playing well on the road?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "I can't explain it, y'know. I suppose I'm just a good business traveler, huh? It's like.. when I'm at home I get complacent and can't execute well, y'know. But when I'm away from home, things just seem to come into focus more and I can concentrate on my job"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "And what is your job?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "I dunno, y'know... maybe, uh... trying to win professional tackle football games and put on a good showing of myself...y'know?"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "I see. Could you explain why Jay Cutler threw for over 300 yards and threw a clutch fourth quarter touchdown to one ...let's see here... um, Brandon Stokey?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "Stokely! Yeah, we've been trying to get him the ball more recently. He didn't seem too bothered by the wind and rain. Neither did the rest of our offense, y'know. Give credit to those guys up front, too"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Guys up front? You mean the receptionist here in the office? That's a woman, Denver".

2008 Denver Broncos: "Oh...yeah...women. Don't see those as much on the road, y'know"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Please stay on target with me, Denver"
Physician's note: Subject began picking his hangnails and looking out the window.

2008 Denver Broncos: "Um... target. Sure? What was I talking about? Something about the rain....maybe Peyton Hillis, too. Or that Jets guy who does Prilosec commercials. He didn't doo much on Sunday. He kinda' stunk, in fact."

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "That would be Mr. Brett Favre, correct?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "Better than last year, when he beat us with one toss, y'know."

2008 Denver Broncos: "Yes, yes. How do you feel about.. "

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Vernon Fox at safety, y'know. No idea where he came from. He got a fumble or something, y'know. That's not a pick-six, more like a run-six...but that doesn't sound good. I wonder if popcorn pops in a different direction, south of the equator? I don't like slow, lazy refs. Eddie Royal kept his foot in-bounds and went 59 yards. Josh Shaw--never knew him, but he had dreads, now he's gone. Threw to Sean Jackson once-- in the first quarter, no less-- never knew him, either"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Hmm...very interesting. Tell me more"
Physician's note: Subject seems listless and confused

2008 Denver Broncos: "Well, y'know...we seem to be kinda' average at times, or less than average, y'know. Like against the Raiders...we had less-than-average run defense, less-than-average passing game, less-than-average carpentry skills, less-than-average tackling. But this week we looked....different."

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Different?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "Yeah...not the same, y'know?"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "How does that make you feel?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "I dunno', y'know? Maybe...not exactly as I did before, y'know"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "What do you mean?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "I dunno', y'know? I guess I gotta' keep playing my game and doing things one week at a time, y'know and hold my destiny in my hands, y'know? "

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "I'm sure it is fine. Anything else you would like to tell me?"

2008 Denver Broncos: "Didn't they call 'em JETS because they used to play next to LaGuardia? We didn't give up a sack. Hillis will probably be the leading rusher within a week. Dre' Bly had a pick from that Prilosec guy. Umm...I think Champ's back next week."

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "Fascinating. I believe our time is almost up, Denver"

2008 Denver Broncos: "Oh yeah...how'd I do. Can I leave?"

Dr. E. Dropyurdrawurz: "I think we made some progress. You can go home, now"

2008 Denver Broncos: "Home? HOME?!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Physician's note: Subject began tearing at his hair, then ran out of the office, terrified

---Transcript concludes----

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