Previously... on "Broncos":

Since last time, they've made a few roster changes and changed some coaching personnel. That's about it.

vs Cincinnati Bengals (W 12-7)

The Broncos continued their offseason of discord and trepidation for an additional 3 hours; into the official start of the 2009 season. All the elements were there for a boring, useless game that the Donkeys would have given away, with fans bemoaning the loss of Msrs. Shanahan, Cutler and even McCree.

Brandon Marshall was officially on the field and in uniform... yet did nothing of consequence as his gametime performance seemed to match that of a recent practice video. Marshall was on the bench for every 3rd down, leaving new QB Kyle Orton with guys like Jabar Gaffney and Correll Buckhalter to catch his lobs. The offense almost approached a record, as they had roughly 8 to 10 punts in the game, and only two field goals to show. It was scarier than the infamous "guy in bear suit giving a blow job" scene in "The Shining".

Luckily the opponent was Cincinnati. The "Bungles" botched a field goal attempt with a bad snap, stayed away from the endzone like a stag chick with herpes at prom, and were down 0-6 in the game's final five minutes. Shockingly, a Donkey shutout seemed like a possibility. Linebackers were even blitzing and recording sacks for the first time since..... umm, Mike Croel, Simon Fletcher, Karl Mecklenburg and Michael Brooks in 1991.

In the final five minutes, Carson Palmer and Some Ding Dong Wideout Who Mis-translated Spanish and Changed His Last Name finally popped the clutch on the old Chevy Vega that was the Bengals offense and got them rolling. 80+ yards in the final minutes and it appeared that the Bengals had snagged an uninspiring comeback victory against another Donkey Late Game Fold. Cedric Benson banged into the endzone and the Bengals were sitting pretty with an NL West-like score of 7-6 with only :38 seconds left.

Donkey fans had seen this before: team loses to an unimpressive opponent and is left to line up for a few obligatory pass incompletions in the final seconds. One is usually picked off, or the QB fumbles and the game is officially over.

But the Donkeys got lucky this time. Call it the Immaculate Deflection or any other cutesy name (I prefer: "Holy. Fucking. Shit"), but after a seemingly incomplete pass to Brandon Marshall, Brandon Stokley snagged the deflection and ran, untouched, 87 yards for a miraculous touchdown. The offseason of discontent was officially over and the Broncos were 1-0.

It could only have happened to the Bengals.

Chop Blocks
..||.. So what's my take on Jay Cutler? Funny you should ask! He "arrived", last season and is a good QB. Yes, he was the best QB Not Named Elway that the Broncos have had in their entire history (sorry, Steve Tensi). Unfortunately, he's put himself in a bad position and is coming into Chicago as THE SAVIOR (all caps). As good as Cutler is, he's not a savior. I remember a guy who whined when his helmet radio was broken, or forced passes when things weren't going his way. If random pressure like that freaked him out, I can't imagine the pool of piss that'll rupture from his trousers when things go bad in Chicago (3 INTs is a start).

..||.. Orton? Well, for over 25 years Bronco fans have expected the QB to be the lynchpin or catalyst of the entire offense. It'll be interesting to see the Broncos go a full season where the QB is nowhere near that role and ..gasp...other areas of the team will have to excel if the team is to have any success.

..||.. My pick for this year? I'm veering from the norm a little; my usual 8-8; and saying 5-11. In past years, I would've been pissed when they ended 8-8, but this year I'll be ecstatic if they reach that mark.

..||.. I'm ambivalent about new coach Josh "Wahoo" McDaniels. But one thing I do like, so far, is that he hasn't used the dreaded "talent" word.

..||.. Their careers and skills are vastly different, but Orton looks more than a little like former Bills QB Jim Kelly. Right now, he's got more hair than Kelly ever had, but their faces are strikingly similar.

..||.. The Old Chicago restaurant in Littleton is continuing on with their live weekly CBS4 Broncos show. Last year it was "The Jay Cutler Show", but obviously that title had to go. It's now simply "Comcast Broncos Live" and the expectation is that they'll have a different host each week, along with a special guest. This week (Sept 14) they featured Eddie Royal and Wesley Woodyard. So autograph hounds take note (hey, don't feel bad. I'm one of those. Woof woof). Find me there, every week, and you'll win a FREE handshake.

..||.. Usually, I don't give two squirts of piss about the rest of the NFL until playoff time. But ya' know a good way to get me interested? Gambling! Yup, put 5 bucks into an office "pick 'em" pool and for the first time in my years I suddenly give a damn if New England beats Buffalo. Yay, gambling.

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