G.I. JoeOther stuff

Operation: J-CAI (Joe and Cobra Artificial Intelligence)

The term “Artificial Intelligence” either scares or excites people. While “AI” doesn’t just mean “robots”, that’s what we usually think of. Traditional sci-fi yarns often take a dark, pessimistic, stance. Think: 2001’s HAL or the Terminator’s SkyNet. “Egads! Robots and computers will take over and replace us”. Heck, Marvel’s Ultron has made a career out of this. Yet for every Ultron, there’s a Vision.

Optimistic sci-fi yarns have also given us happy AI stuff like WALL-E, R2-D2 or even the real-life Mars rovers. Perhaps the more realistic side of AI is that it currently allows less processing time and enables software developers and creative personnel to get sh*t done.

Enter Adobe’s new Firefly Artificial Intelligence image generator. Currently in its “beta” stage, I can see how it can be improved to enhance productivity and help out creative personnel. I’ve been employed as such, continually, since 1997, but I wouldn’t classify Firefly as something that can truly help me with “getting sh*t done”, just yet.

Maybe it’s the name “Firefly” (which makes me think of a certain Cobra Saboteur in a cool camouflage ninja costume) but it’s great fun and an awesome time waster. Whenever I’m waiting somewhere, nowadays, I skip my silly word games and mobile apps, and hit Firefly.Adobe.com on my phone.

I don’t wanna’ man-splain or Option-splain the nuts n’ bolts of AI images to you, but you basically enter a text phrase and Firefly will create a custom image for you. It can be “Art” or “Photo”. The more info you provide, the better result you’ll get. Yeah, that’s it. No sketching, rendering, or even mouse operations. Simply type some words and you get a picture. Being like any well-adjusted adult, I immediately entered descriptive terms of my favorite fictional comic/cartoon/toy/plastic characters from the G.I. Joe world.

I used some basic consistent, parameters as I was “creating” these. I entered a few unique words to describe each character. I found that some words were against Firefly’s terms-of-service, such as words like “gun”, “soldier” or anything that might sound lethal. That makes sense, and I get why they do it. Yet there are millions of alternative ways to describe our favorite G.I Joe and Cobra characters. Thus, behold…. Operation: J-CAI!

  1. Snake-Eyes
Snake-Eyes AI
“mute+ninja commando dressed in black”. Not too bad, I could see this working for a video game or movie design.

2. Major Bludd

Major Bludd
“australian mercenary eye-patch mustache and metal arm”. Wha? Where’s the eye-patch? Despite looking like Steampunk Snidley Whiplash, this wouldn’t be the worst modern-day update of Sebsatian Bludd. Oh, and I’m not sure WHAT says “Australian” about him.

I also discovered that entering “mustache” usually generates comically large facial hair. I’m reminded of the “revolutionary technology that will blow your mind” from the show “Silicon Valley”.

3. Alpine

Mountain Trooper Alpine
“Mountain Trooper Alpine”. A very basic term…. but it’s technically accurate! I think we can all agree that the “normal” G.I. Joe Alpine would benefit from having a squishy furry ball at the top of his hat.

4. Grand Slam

Grand Slam
“Laser Artillery Trooper Grand Slam”. Another “hey, this could work for a modern movie or video game” update.

5. Recondo

Recondo
Another basic prompt, the words “Recondo Jungle Trooper”. My favorite 1984 figure now looks like something from the Avatar movies. Dig that weird face and….whatever that is in his left hand.

6. The Baroness

Baroness
From the prompt “evil baroness black leather cobra eyeglasses”. She looks very creepy and definitely EVIL. And for once, in the modern age, the Baroness doesn’t look all hot n’ saucy. Good spin.

7. Steeler

Steeler
“Tank Commander Steeler”. What the…?! Egads! Notice that this pose is eerily similar to how the 1982 Steeler figure sat in his MOBAT. Although I’m a little bummed that there’s no black/yellow color combo. Chuck Noll’s boys got dissed.

8. Scarlett

Scarlett
Call her: “Battle Armor Scarlet”… or the sister of Daft Punk. Your call.

9. Hardball

Hardball
“Multi-shot grenadier”. This one probably proved the hardest to crack, as adding “human” or “person” were nixed. But hey, you have to admit that could very well be a Multi-Shot Grenadier.

10. Law & Order

Law and Order K-9
Um…. I have no idea. The lesson I learned form this is: things get weird when you mix animals with people. I also found it odd that the term “Military Police” wasn’t allowed. This is what thy restrictions hath wrought, Adobe!

11. Shipwreck

Shipwreck
See? Involve an animal and it gets WEIRD!

12. Tunnel Rat

Tunnel Rat
A literal representation of the prompt “Explosives Ordinance Demolition Tunnel Rat”….and I kinda’ love it. Even with that weird right hand. Reminds me of the Robert Rodriguez movie “G-Force”, circa 2003.

13. Gung Ho (Marine Dress Blues)

Gung-Ho Marine Dress Blue
Let’s bring it back to the world of realism. This is honestly a great rendering of the prompt “Marine Dress Blues Gung-Ho” (his 1987 figure). Semper Fi!

14. Tomax and Xamot, Crimson Guard Commanders

Crimson Guard Commanders
Sorta’ what the “Identical twins: Crimson Guard Commanders” would’ve looked like on the set of “The Battleship Potemkin”!

15. Beach-head

Beachhead
“Army Ranger Beachhead Mask”. Kinda’ simple, but kinda’ effective. Even though that badge on his helmet is probably some sort of creepy Illuminati reference. I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy popped up in Fortnite, someday.

Okay….let’s finish this out strong:

16. Storm Shadow

Storm Shadow
This is, literally, “white ninja storm shadow”. Nailed it. Great job, robot overlords.

17. Hawk

Hawk Missile COmmander
“Hawk Missile Commander Leader”. This is the Greatest Image in the History of AI. Maybe even the entire frickin’ Internets. Prove me wrong.

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